Empower Yourself
Who's Minding the Kids? by Kerry L. Gray
Military duty is having a big effect on the children left behind in the United States. Single parents or parents facing a divorce while one partner is in the service are dealing with unique custody battles that are being played out across the United States on a daily basis.
Surprisingly, many parents do not think that military service will affect their custody of their children, but it does. If petitioned by one parent while the other is away, a court can change the custody status suddenly and without warning, awarding primary custody to the parent who stays home to care for the child. This can happen even while the other parent is away fighting the war, and even if that parent had primary custody of the child before going away in active duty. The court's explanation for this is that it is in the best interest of the child to remain with a parent, and the child's interests will be paramount, or more important, than the military parent's right to keep a custody agreement intact while away on duty.
Long ago, service members were usually young, male and single. Today our voluntary service has more older and married service members, both male and female, than ever before. Almost ten percent of the active duty military forces for the United States are made up of single parents. These parents often sign temporary papers giving their children to their own parents, siblings and relatives to care for and to act in their absence, but this often backfires on the activity duty serviceman or woman. They can come home to find their custody has been reversed in their absence by the child's other parent who convinced the court it was in the best interest of the child to transfer custody.
One of the problems that allow this to happen is the clash between state and federal law. State law covers family law, while many military issues are under the federal jurisdiction. These two different entities often conflict with each other. While the military service member is protected under federal law against home foreclosures, car repossessions, and other civil court actions, family courts often decide to put the interest of the child ahead of those federal statutes and will change custody orders if it is deemed to be in the best interest of the child, even in the absence of the parent who is away fighting the war.
How can you protect yourself if you are a single parent facing active military duty and leaving a child or children behind? First, understand that the Family Care Plan you fill out in the military does not override court-appointed custody; neither does it determine legal custody in your absence. Do not leave your children in the care of relatives while ignoring the other biological parent; the courts often decide that the child should be in the custody of a parent when possible, and trying to let relatives look after your child while you are gone can backfire into changed custody by court order. Try to come to an agreement with the other parent about who will watch the child while you are gone and what will happen when you come back. Consult a lawyer and have your agreements witnessed in writing. Document all interactions with the other parent, especially if there are disagreements about custody while the custodial parent is on active duty. Enlist the military for help before you go on active duty, not after you come back. If a change is made in your custody by court order, it will be easier to address before the fact, not after it. Finally, lobby for new laws to replace the old outdated ones that no longer address today's custody issues for single parents in the military. Let your voice be heard about this issue that affects so many who work in service to our country.
Military duty is having a big effect on the children left behind in the United States. Single parents or parents facing a divorce while one partner is in the service are dealing with unique custody battles that are being played out across the United States on a daily basis.
Surprisingly, many parents do not think that military service will affect their custody of their children, but it does. If petitioned by one parent while the other is away, a court can change the custody status suddenly and without warning, awarding primary custody to the parent who stays home to care for the child. This can happen even while the other parent is away fighting the war, and even if that parent had primary custody of the child before going away in active duty. The court's explanation for this is that it is in the best interest of the child to remain with a parent, and the child's interests will be paramount, or more important, than the military parent's right to keep a custody agreement intact while away on duty.
Long ago, service members were usually young, male and single. Today our voluntary service has more older and married service members, both male and female, than ever before. Almost ten percent of the active duty military forces for the United States are made up of single parents. These parents often sign temporary papers giving their children to their own parents, siblings and relatives to care for and to act in their absence, but this often backfires on the activity duty serviceman or woman. They can come home to find their custody has been reversed in their absence by the child's other parent who convinced the court it was in the best interest of the child to transfer custody.
One of the problems that allow this to happen is the clash between state and federal law. State law covers family law, while many military issues are under the federal jurisdiction. These two different entities often conflict with each other. While the military service member is protected under federal law against home foreclosures, car repossessions, and other civil court actions, family courts often decide to put the interest of the child ahead of those federal statutes and will change custody orders if it is deemed to be in the best interest of the child, even in the absence of the parent who is away fighting the war.
How can you protect yourself if you are a single parent facing active military duty and leaving a child or children behind? First, understand that the Family Care Plan you fill out in the military does not override court-appointed custody; neither does it determine legal custody in your absence. Do not leave your children in the care of relatives while ignoring the other biological parent; the courts often decide that the child should be in the custody of a parent when possible, and trying to let relatives look after your child while you are gone can backfire into changed custody by court order. Try to come to an agreement with the other parent about who will watch the child while you are gone and what will happen when you come back. Consult a lawyer and have your agreements witnessed in writing. Document all interactions with the other parent, especially if there are disagreements about custody while the custodial parent is on active duty. Enlist the military for help before you go on active duty, not after you come back. If a change is made in your custody by court order, it will be easier to address before the fact, not after it. Finally, lobby for new laws to replace the old outdated ones that no longer address today's custody issues for single parents in the military. Let your voice be heard about this issue that affects so many who work in service to our country.
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