Am I to young?

juliet_capulet07 · Joined: 26 Jul 2007 Posts: 0

Ok, I'm 14 and I have a fiance. He is 18 but treats me no diffrent then if I was his age. I love him more then anything in the world. We've been dating shy over 3 months. He keeps telling me that he's going to marry me one day, and I tell him the same thing. We started to plan some tiny parts of our wedding. My mom knows and she says I have to wait until I'm 19 to actually get married. She got married to my dad who is 5 years older when she was still 17. She wasn't even our of high school yet. My mom says I have to wait until I graduate to move in with him and a year afterwardes to get married. But, my mom said to stop planning and talking about the wedding because right now he is in Ohio and myself in Texas and we've fought too much. We have no idea when he will be back home. But do you think I'm too young to have a fiance?

dlmn63 · Joined: 10 Jul 2007 Posts: 0

I just responded to your other post about sex. Again, you have so much more to experience in life. Your mother is right, stop talking about and planning for a wedding. The signs are there that both of you are not ready... shy of 3 months dating, fighting, and the distance between you two right now. Long distance relationships are difficult period. Why not just be friends until he gets back? Why put the pressure on yourselves at such a young age? You're on this site so you've read the heartaches that adults have gone through. Read and learn from them as best you can. But the most important thing you should be focused on is YOU. Where do you want to be in 5 yrs?, 10 yrs etc. and you have to think about these things as though you are alone. As hard as it is to accept, nothing is guaranteed in life so arm yourself with knowledge to make sure YOU are able to take care of you. If you both focus on the future in this manner, and you were meant to be together, you have lost nothing but probably gained everything. I'm not minimizing your feelings or degrading your maturity because of your age. I just want to point out that you are not looking out for you and your future. Please seriously consider the difference between the life you are planning and what you could have. Good luck!

Foundthebestman · Joined: 03 May 2007 Posts: 21

Juliet, listen to the posters below, they're right. Read the stories here and on other sites like www.womansavers.com learn from our mistakes, we've all made them, it's part of life an growing up. Be glad you can get information like this at your age. Us older ones had to learn by making the mistakes ourselves and learning the hard way. You have the benefit of listening to other ladies and making better choices in life. We're not your 'mom' so we have no interest in you like she does, but you're a young woman and have so much life to live. Don't get tied down just yet. Live life have fun and experience all knids of new places and things. The whole world is yours, enjoy it.

joni509 · Joined: 20 Mar 2007 Posts: 1

YES YES Yes, honey if you were my daughter I would tell you the same thing .. you are to young to make a life time commitment.Give it time and see what happens. Your mom only wants the best for you even thought at your age it's difficult to see right now.

YadirasBoutique · Joined: 27 Jul 2007 Posts: 0

yes you are too young, you still have alot of time in your hands...

browneyedangel86 · Joined: 15 Aug 2007 Posts: 0

Girl I got married at 19 and it was too young in my opinion. You're only young once and both of you will mature so much in the coming yrs. Take it from me. I'm now about to go through a divorce and I have a baby on the way. I'd give anything to be young, single, and baggage free again. Just take it easy and give it time...

Un_trusting · Joined: 11 Oct 2007 Posts: 0

If you have any feelings that you are too young, then you are. Trust your instinct. And, BTW, you are way to young. I was married at 22 and THAT was too young. This is not 1940! You have soooo much to experience in life but you can't be free to explore yourself and life if you are married. Even if you go through with it, you will eventually end up divorced. The odds are against you. If you feel you must marry him, do yourself a favor and DON'T HAVE KIDS!

__penchant · Joined: 11 Jan 2009 Posts: 54

MacyRose · Joined: 03 Mar 2009 Posts: 4

At 14 it is so easy to get sucked into the excitement of and engagement and planning a wedding, but what you should be planning for right now is your life. Before you even seriously think of getting married, you need to figure out what you are going to do for a career and go through and get the education required. It's important to do this BEFORE marriage so that you can find out who YOU are! If your boyfriend values you so much that he wants to marry you and make you his lifetime partner, he will want to wait until you have done this because he will only want you to marry him if it's going to be forever. As you grow older, you will find that your tastes change. What you think is cool now will be totally uncool when you reach your 20's. If you still love him after you have finished school and have a career and are in your 20's, then you will know that he is your true love and you can marry him then.

I have seen many women marry before they had a chance to experience themselves and discover who they were. My former sister-inlaw is one of them. Oh, she's a lovely person, but she never discovered herself before she married and after she married, she at first submerged herself in having kids, but eventually, she realized that she had missed out on so much and divorced my brother inlaw, which was a tragedy for their two children.

Right now you are in high school and there are dances and parties and football games and so many fun events. You should not allow yourself to be tied down to a guy who lives far away and miss out on all the fun! If he is your true love, he will be more than willing wait for you. He will be willing to make any sacrifice and do anything to make sure you have the best possible life to prepare you for your future together. That means, not isolating you from the whole high school experience by insisting that you be engaged to him. If he is not your true love and you stay engaged to him through high school, you will have wasted some of the best years of your life. Give yourself the chance to grow as a person and insist he do the same for the betterment of both of you! That's a mature and intelligent decision. When the time is right, you can always get married! But now is the time for fun and for finding out about you!

tinklink09 · Joined: 01 May 2009 Posts: 3

Yes you really are young...I'm not saying that it won't last but you will add a lot of unncessary problems to your marriage if you do get married young.

And I am speaking from experienced. I was married just as I turned 19...I'm now 22 and I'm still very happily married, however, we have both had to work very hard at it. A lot of our problems had to do with that fact that I was still finding out more about myself when we were married and I was becoming a different person. Luckily, my husband still loved the person I became!

snicklebunny · Joined: 18 Feb 2009 Posts: 14

14 is really young to make a lifelong commitment to someone. I agree with the above posts, if you are asking if you are too young, you know in your heart and mind that you are too young. Young love feels wonderful but it is really just learning ground for your future relationships.

The distance concerns me, the fact that you have only been together for 3 months and an 18 year old 'man' proposed makes me very nervous (does anyone else wonder what an 18 year old 'man' sees in a 14 year old girl?), and you already have arguments???

Be careful sweetie, and think with your head, not your heart, and listen to your mother.

Happy_Fruit040 · Joined: 27 Apr 2009 Posts: 2

To the Original Poster:
You're only 14? You're as old as I am and yet you have a fiancée? You are waaaayyy too young for this. Plus, you've been dating him for 3 months. That's not normal, no offense. Also, wouldn't that having a fiancée who is 18 be considered pedophilia?

chemistryfox · Joined: 12 Jun 2009 Posts: 6

First off, yes you are too young to think about marriage to this guy. It is normal to have these infatuations since this is the honeymoon part of the relationship. I had a promise bracelet from my high school boyfriend saying we were going to get married someday. I was 14 about to turn 15 at the time and was dating him for about 5 months. That was 12 years ago and don't even keep in touch with him anymore. Right now just enjoy your time with him and learn from this experience.