Does he or doesn't he?

[fellhard]

Ok, Met the guy 22 years ago and he took my breath away. We never dated and never came close. We have always remained friends. We would lose touch for a few years at a time but he always managed to find me. We have been there for each other through deaths, divorces and just bad times. Mostly by phone. When I left my husband 2 years ago I called him and he referred me to a lawyer. It was a long divorce and he checked on me on a regular basis to make sure I was alright, again, mostly by phone. My divorce was final in March.

He has had a girlfriend for a couple of years and he keeps telling me it is over although he is very attached to her daughter. She tells him all the time that she wants him to be her daddy and I know it breaks his heart. He lights up when he talks about the little girl and has pictures of her on his desk. I know he is afraid of hurting her.

Anyway, we started seeing each other a month ago. I meet him on Fridays and spend the night. We sometimes do lunch during the week and he calls about 3 to 4 times a week and txt me a few times. He told me in a sober moment that he is afraid I am going to read to much into our relationship and that it is what it is and no more. Than once the drinks started kicking in he told me that he wanted me bad all during the 80's but I was married to ""that loser"". Told me over and over again how he wished we could have been and that he never thought I would ever divorce ""that loser"". When I have to leave him either on Friday night or Sat morning he begs me to stay. One night even tackled me and wouldn't let me up til I managed to wiggle my way out.

This is what I don't understand. If I ask him to go to a function with me he finds an excuse not too but he will bug me to death til I agree to see him.

What I am trying to figure out is...Am I a booty call? Is he in love with me? Am I just his best friend with benefits? Why does he feel the need now to tell me how he felt about me for all those years when he never let on before?? What the hell is this?? I have never been so confused about a relationship in my life!

[cautiousandwise]

Yes, you ARE a booty call. He is seeing someone else and is in a REAL relationship with them. He is using you. Move on.

[nadeanbhav]

You stated that in a sober moment, he said he was afraid you would read too much into the relationship and that it is what it is. Well, he was pretty much up front with you so I would take him at his word. It is what it is....a sleep with you arrangement. Sorry girl but you need to move on. He is unavailable as far as you are concerned and yes, he is still in a relationship with the other woman. At least that's what I think. Good luck to you.

[Foundthebestman]

You asked about how to protect your kids from guys like these..... well, the best way is to keep men out of thier lives completely. YOU be the one to raise them and when you're done and they're grown up and in college and can make good decissions because they will have learned from you. You lead by example. When that's all said and done, then it may be safe to bring a man into your life. Unless of course you can take everything you know about men and learn how to spot a liar and a cheat. Don't be affraid to stand up for yourself and what you feel is right or not right. Good relationships don't take work, pay attention to what they do NOT what they say. You know when a guy is not on the up-n-up, because you question something. If you have to ask certain questions or find things that make you say 'hmmmmmm?' then pay attention to those signs, they're there for a reason. Completely ignore this jerk forever. Not even to tell him off, he'll enjoy that, he'll like that you're upset about it and loves the fact that others are arguing over him too. He enjoys the game, he'll want to try and real you back in with his charm just so he can watch you fall again, at his command.

[Foundthebestman]

Fell,