dumped and confused

[eminatic]

not sure if this is the right place for this but i just got dumped a few days ago by my first bf its kind of a long story but here goes:

when i met my bf we were both living in Northern California (about 2 years ago) and i ended up somewhat unwillingly losing my virginity to him. we both agreed that it would just be a casual fling because i was going to be moving to Las Vegas that summer, which i was totally fine with because i didnt even really like him that much, but hey it was the first guy who had ever been attracted to me or even talked to me in 18 years so i couldn't complain right? well right before i moved he started telling me that he loved me, that he wanted to visit me in vegas and basically tell me that he wanted to continue the relationship. he'd always look me in the eye and swear he was not just saying it because he was drunk (most of the time he was drunk) although the first time he did it, the next morning he woke up saying "i dont remember what happened last night, i think i told you i love you or something but i dont know why i said that"

after he started saying all that to me i started to let myself get really attached, since we would be continuing the relationship afterall. well the day after i moved he called me and in a nutshell told me he didnt mean anything he said. i dont really remember what happened but we continued the relationship and i visited him shortly after moving several times. last winter i was preparing for another visit, everything was going good and then out of the blue he sent me a text saying he was dumping me without telling me why and would call me later. i waited a few days an no response, so i tried texting, and a few days later tried calling and still no response. well i had already bought the plain tickets (which were non refundable) and since i still didnt know ANYONE and had no friends in my new town i decided to instead go visit my old friends in California. when he found out he called RIGHT before i was leaving to tell me he wanted me to stay with him as friends. not wanting to be rude and cancel on my friend that i had begged to host me on short notice, i agreed to split my week long trip in half, but told him we would not be having sex if he only wanted to be friends, and if he was sure that was how he wanted it. he agreed but when i stayed with him he kept trying to have sex with me, after about a day and a half of me refusing him, he started crying saying that he made a mistake and still wanted me. i fell for it and we ended up having sex.

ever since then he has never said he wants to get back together, and whenever i try to find out why he dumped me he only says he "made a mistake" but doesnt want to officially get back together. i asked if we were not together and only casually having sex if that meant our "relationship" was open and we could see other people. he said he didnt want anyone else and didnt want me to be with anyone else, but still did not want to get back together.

about a week or so ago we sort of had an argument over it and afterwards i really started freaking out, which somehow led to me taking up smoking! when he found out i could tell he was upset, but didnt say anything negative and only supported me. then 2 nights ago he called and said that long distance was causing me to act self destructively and dumped me. this was right before he was leaving for Burning Man, so now theres no way to contact him for a week, and i feel horrible that i pushed him to dump me because i started smoking, and even worse now i cant stop.

i'd like to remain friends with him but im afraid that the same thing will keep happening over and over...

[darksupanova]

Why would someone break up with you because you've picked up smoking that is retarded he just doesnt want to be with you and instead of allowing yourself to be tied to that idiot you should just move on with your life. Don't waste time waiting on him because you'll end up being alone.He probably can't get sex from other girls because he's a loser...open your eyes and move on! You don't want to spend your life being attached to guys like him...

[livinginoblivion]

Sweetheart, this man has issues. And it has nothing to do with you. I understand that you care, I've been there. We've all cared about people who were not good for us, and he is NOT good for you. This will never go anywhere productive, it will just get more and more frustrating and dramatic, and you don't need that.

End it and walk away. Clean break. The end. And maybe you should run, not walk.

[eminatic]

i called him today and told him that we can't be friends anymore. he didnt take it well and now i feel horrible