Finances

garf21097 · Joined: 26 Mar 2008 Posts: 12

Story: Yesterday when we got home out lights had been turned off. I have very stressed lately and forgot to pay the bill. I also think I missed placed the bill. This has NEVER happened to us. I always pay all the bills. My husband was upset and we had to pay to have them reconnected last night. Anyway I knew he was mad so I apologized until I was blue in the face and he said nothing. Later last night I asked him if he wanted to watch television with me because he stayed down stairs most of the night. He said "no". So I we went to bed without talking about it or him even saying anything to me. This morning still nothing was said. He sent me an email later saying he felt that the family was in a shambles because he doesn't have a hold of the finances. I was wondering where this was coming from because this was a simple oversight on my part and I did aplologize. He said that I don't know how to budget my money and that he shouldn't have to give me money for gas etc...between pay periods. He said that I should budget my money so he doesn't have to give me gas money. He said you always say that you feel funny asking me for money but you still do. I don't understand. I thought you should be able to lean on your spouse if you need them but he makes me feel like I'm borrowing money instead of us being a team. I too give him money between his pay periods as well so I am not understanding. I guess I'm very angry because this was something that has never happened before and it triggered all of this money thing. My solution was for him to take over the utilities and I will fall back and let him do it. I can't help but feel angry, alone, sad, and I don't even know how to feel about our marriage.

Mocha Flame · Joined: 27 Sep 2008 Posts: 3

Money is a big issue in all relationships. Learn how to budget there are many books at a library about money. For me I keep my bills, envelops, stamps etc in one place. Never do I have any problems. This area is clean organized etc. If you are not organized learn! Also your husband is punishing you. Tell him to stop it.

Some couples live like room-mates when it comes to money. Thats means you are responsible for your HALF. The men I have talked with grip all the time about women and money. It's right up there with sex.

If this was truly a mistake, then move on let him sulk. I bet you he grips about other issues concerning you. Think about it.

Guitarista · Joined: 15 Aug 2008 Posts: 87

Sulking is passive-aggressive behavior.

Its sole purpose is to make you feel guilty.

Perhaps you should confront him and ask him, "Do you, or do you not, accept my apology?"

Then he has to give you a straight answer.

Also, you'd be wise to make sure that you can be financially independent if you need to. To rely on a man for money of any kind is nearly always a losing proposition. It's fine to do that if you find one who is willing and who is okay with you staying home and raising kids or whatever....but the thing is, you don't want to be trapped.

You usually end up paying much, much more for their financial "support" than what it would cost to live on your own....and I'm not just talking about money.

Maybe if your husband is so hot about your "budgeting", you could just get a list of ALL the expenses and tell him you'll pay half. Then as far as the rest of your money is concerned, it's YOURS and you can tell him to get lost. Get your own bank account. I have never shared a bank account with anyone in my life and I never intend to, married or not...unless it's a mutual business arrangement, preferably with someone I'm not married to.

Sometimes you have to let things be that drastic to stop the money arguments. My only marriage, years ago, ended pretty much because of money. I earned it, he spent it....and we argued about it all the damn time....and he sulked, too. It was awful. I finally did just get my own bank account and he was pissed. Too bad. The whole idea of a couple having joint everything...bank accounts, savings accounts, all that....I don't think it was such a sound one to begin with and times have changed since the French Renaissance.

Best of luck. I hope you can resolve things.

cali4ange · Joined: 12 Nov 2008 Posts: 6

Usually they will cut off electricity if it's not paid in 2 months, not 1. Obviously he's been putting his feelings aside and now it boiled out due to the shutting off electricity. Perhaps with you asking money, he feels you can't budget money. I take it you both don't have a joint account so that bills could be paid together rather than separate accounts.

Finances is a big issue, you both need to sit down and openly talk, it may hurt feelings but put that aside and talk it out, so that you aren't in the percentage rate of divorce.

try going to flylady.com the site helps you schedule things out and remind you of what to do.

garf21097 · Joined: 26 Mar 2008 Posts: 12

No it wasn't 2 months. The company I have is not like that. We have overcome that and are working on communicating about the bills more. We do have a joint account and we are doing that paying out of that account. I have been overwelmed with the bills for years and he has never been involved even when I tried to talk to him about them. I have made ways to make our budget work over the years. I think I speak for everyone when I say the economy has been bad for some people and we had to re-evaluate our budget and he had to get more involved. Thanks!