Happy New Year -- yeah, right

[alexiai]

I got email with video showing my husband having sex with other women and disparaging me.

I got an STD from said husband.

Said husband quit working when I was 8 months pregnant with first child and hasn't worked since. Or tried. Or finished his "education."

My husband lied like a dog until I showed the video. Then he said I brought it on myself because I disrespected him.

Bullshit. I'm not some sniveling idiot who's going to accept that. I'm furious and I told him that he better not EVER try to turn his behavior around on me. I gave him a personal responsibility lecture that I'm sure went in one ear and out the other.

Now my question is -- how to protect our children. Meeting with my priest tomorrow to get his council. I have friends, but certainly no one I could talk about this to. Hence my rant here.

He gave me an ultimatum to decide by Monday whether I wanted a divorce. (Or what, the offer will expire? Puh-lease.)

I will say divorce is a last resort. I don't necessarily want one even though I'm angry, hurt, betrayed, and am not foolish enough to think he will change.

As much as I want to list him on this site and write a bitter diatribe for all to read about him, I'm going to restrain myself until I figure out what I'm going to do. But boy is it tempting.

I have to keep in mind what's best for the kids. My two daughters are daddy's girls. I don't want my anger to hurt them. I don't want him to hurt them either. My stepson has been badly damaged psychologically by the bitterness between my husband and my stepson's mother. For them, I would even look the other way and we can live separate lives but together. We've been pretty much doing that for the past year anyway.

Any wisdom?

[MacyRose]

It sounds to me like your husband is a sociopath. I am so sorry that you are in this situation. He will continue to go about his life hurting you and your children. You can either decide to be strong and cut your losses now and potentially find another husband, someone who is decent and caring and trustworthy. Or you can stick with this guy and eventually wind up divorcing him anyway after he has cost you much, much more emotionally and financially (and possibly even physically since he gave you an STD.) Talk with your priest - that's a great idea - be completely and totally honest. The situation you have described indicates to me that an annulment (if you are Catholic) is in order as your husband has not lived up to his side of the marriage in any way, shape or form. But understand, your husband is NEVER going to finish his education, work, or care about how much what he does to you and the children hurts you. Look up sociopath on the internet to find out all about these types of people and then make an informed decision about what YOU want for YOUR life. Sociopaths can never change. It is impossible.

Personally, I'm a "cut your losses" type and I'd be out the door in a heartbeat. Life is too short.