HELP! Hubby won't have sex!

alleebug78 · Joined: 11 Mar 2007 Posts: 0

I could really use some advice.
I've been married to my hubby for 12 years. We have a nice family, lots of kids and a nice home. We are very close. But there is no intimacy (sp?). I have tried everything and he doesn't seem to want me. He is very affectionate, but never ""hits"" on me, if you know what I mean. I am an attractive girl, and when I go places, men look at me. Which confuses me because other men want me, but my husband doesn't. I know he loves me, but I don't feel like he desires me. This has been on ongoing problem that has gotten worse over the past few years. We have sex approx. once every 6 weeks or so and it's always me who initiates it. I get shot down, rejected on a regular basis. I have tried to be subtle, sexy and straight forward, but nothing. Anyone else been in this situation? Most of my friends have the complete opposite problem and have no advice to offer. Thanks! xo

savala88 · Joined: 08 Jan 2007 Posts: 0

perhaps he has developed erectile dysfunction it doesn't matter how young or old it can happen and maybe you should suggest that for the good of your relationship he go and get checked and prescribed some kind of stimulant. his pride may get in the way but he needs to realize you have needs and if he love you he will do anything to keep your relationship going I think

cautiousandwise · Joined: 10 Jul 2007 Posts: 8

Well, the suggestion I have would be top TALK to him about it. Ask why.. Suggest that it could be for a multitude of reasons, and list them. None of us know what is wrong with him/you except him. ASK....

Foundthebestman · Joined: 03 May 2007 Posts: 20

My first thought also, was to say... TALK TO HIM. Sit his butt down and talk to him. let him know exactly how you feel. Pick a time when the kids are not around to overhear you, take away all distractions and talk to him until this problem is resolved. Don't wait until he shoots you down again. Do it out of the blue and get him to open up. Something is at the bottom of this and you need to know what it is.

LAPeep · Joined: 28 Mar 2007 Posts: 6

Consider yourself LUCKY. Sex is way over rated. You don't have to worry about getting pregnant or an std. However, usually when men stop wanting sex with their wives an idea to consider is that they are with another woman. Have you seen any clues of this? The other possibility is that he is addicted to porn. Why do women always first think that THEY must be the cause of the man's odd behavior. If it was something then a well balanced man would be able to discuss it like an adult. There is something wrong here and it is most likely HIS issue. Drugs for depression and other drugs lower sex drive. However, if he doesn't think it is a problem you will never see a change in him. YOU can't make HIM change.

naughtylilkitty · Joined: 16 Aug 2007 Posts: 0

Like most of the other ladies said, talk to him. Is he under alot of stress at work? Just becuase a man dosen't want sex , it dosent mean that he is cheating. Lots of things can effect a man's sex drive. Kids, work,...maybe even his own self-image about how he looks. Even if you think he is attractive, he may not feel it. Man have fragile egos lol. Good Luck!

TacoLoco · Joined: 22 Sep 2007 Posts: 0

I doubt he is cheating. I don't currently cheat, but I have in the past. From experience, I can tell you cheating makes guys want to have sex twice as much. It sounds like to me that he sees you more as the mother of his kids, than he does the woman he married. It's not his fault if that is the case. It is just something that happens to guys if they are not looking out for it. You sound as though you are very maternal and if you express any of that towards him it will reinforce his maternal view of you. Be aware of what your behaviors are first of all. And I know what I am about to say will probably sound bad, but you are married so I'm guessing you will understand. Men want a lady during the day and a straight up hoe at night. All I'm saying is get creative and dirty with your man. I bet he will love it.

alleebug78 · Joined: 11 Mar 2007 Posts: 0

Thanks TacoLoco. That was good advice. I have tried the dirty girl thing. We recently celebrated our anniv. Went out to dinner and all night I was telling him about something special I was wearing under my outfit, told him it was hot and lacey, from VS.We get home, he says, ""I'm tired, going to sleep"".

belladawna120 · Joined: 21 Oct 2007 Posts: 2

If my husband would of said that to me on our anniversary i would of said fine is that your final answer?if he said yes i woulda said fine im phoning a freind and going out see yas in the morning hunny .

WheemaTanya · Joined: 23 Jan 2008 Posts: 2

Oh my... sweetie you and I live the same life. I read this post and wondered, "When in the heck did I post that?" You sound exactly like me. I myself just posted a question because for 13 years I have been having the same problem with my husband, but now all of a sudden out of the blue… he cheated. Now just to let you know, I feel the same way as you do; I'm attractive, guys’ heads turn when I go out, we are best of friends, we have a great little family and are even good business partners. I’ve gone crazy in the bedroom. (I've tried EVERYTHING you could imagine.) I have to agree with the woman who posted that they see us as their babies Mama’s. Unfortunately though, I sometimes think, no matter what we do, that is all they are going to see us as. Obviously, my husband desires sex, just not with me. I hope your hubby isn't the same. Just be aware. I know you are doing all you can to fix the problem, that's why you're on this forum. Maybe it's his turn to "do" before things really get out of control. Maybe suggesting he take some counseling to figure things out, or even marriage counseling for the two of you. I know my husband pooh poohed the idea but now I wish I had forced it. I used to joke that at least I knew my husband wouldn't cheat on me, because obviously he has no sex drive. Well...I guess that wasn't the problem. Now that I've figured that out, it's too late. I hope I haven’t scared you any more than you already are, I just don’t want to see our “similar stories” ending up with the same ending.

msmartie · Joined: 20 Mar 2008 Posts: 1

Maybe he's tired from work, have you given him a bath or pamperd him, or get a baby sitter and have a romantic night alone, maybe get a motel room, my hubby and I will make a date a local club, I always go first, he comes in about 15 to 20 min later and we act like we are strangers, its a lot of fun, maybe you should just try something new Wink