help needed!

lovespell417 · Joined: 02 Apr 2008 Posts: 3

my boyfriend of three years now was continually talking to a "first love" hed had years before us. i was suspicious and a little jealous, but he assured me that nothing was up. One day, when he'd come home from his best friends house (where the other girl usually hangs out too) he'd been acting really weird towards me. and this continued for a week or two. Finally, he went on vaca and i checked his email (i know, bad on my part, but i dont regret it). I found his emails to her saying things like "im not as happy anymore, i was thinking about kissing you while we were together, would you want to be with me if i was single"...things of that nature...it took us a year and a half to recover from that, and i finally forgave him, he's the trustworthy type, so i gave him another shot. i was still willing to give my bf another chance... ps- in the past few weeks hes started (innocently on his part, but not hers) talking to the girl again and i thought i could bare it, but yesterday i told him if im going to stay i dont want her in our lives at all. he was really angry at me for "telling him who he could be friends with" but after i told him i was willing to leave him if he couldnt say goodbye to her, he gladly accepted. so we'll see how things go... am i being overprotective insane gf? i feel like i have the right to tell him he cant have her in our lives anymore..help! Embarassed

catscalw · Joined: 15 Mar 2008 Posts: 109

He has a history of deception with this person in your relationship, and was saying things to her that should have been said to you. If he wasn't happy anymore, then have some cojones, and put it on the table. You can't and shouldn't be reading his mind to figure out if he is "happy."

Seems like he is unclear on the fact that happiness is an inside job, anyway...

rosebuttons · Joined: 04 Sep 2007 Posts: 145

I agree with catscalw. He should be respecting your wishes. There was a history between them. If he is not happy he should be telling you and not her.

Mysta · Joined: 28 Mar 2008 Posts: 27

this lady IS NOT A FRIEND. she was in his history and not only but he also flirted with her while he was with you.
in my opinion, after the email thing,i wouldnt forgive him not matter what he does.

anyways , thats just me.
u forgave him and now he talked to this girl again? the thing he has to have clear in his head is : who does he want to be with? u or this lady that comes from his past?

he decided you, so its right to kick this girls ass out of ur life

square813 · Joined: 25 Jul 2006 Posts: 246

you have every right to feel and act that way. all of sudden there she is and hes not happy with you. tell him take off rose colored glasses. the grass isnt greener on other side. if they were so great why did they break up

lovespell417 · Joined: 02 Apr 2008 Posts: 3

i know he's happy with me, honestly i do. we've been together for three and a half years now--i know him and how much he really loves me. he does everything for me, he still even opens the car door for me...hes a complete gentlemen with me and i know he would never ever do anything physical with any other girl, ever. this girl and him never dated, he moved away while they were in the midbutterfly stage but they never actually got together. he claims that he never got closure with her and the emailing finally ended and closed up the relationship with her for him. i understand the reasoning, he even told me i could read his emails to her if i wanted. but how is that a way to live? what kind of relationship is that? i've finally regained my trust for him, i'm not living that way. His intentions are pure, they really are, but hers are NOT. she tells him she's engaged and how unhappy she is that she couldnt have the life she wanted...um, flirting? i'd say so...she's bitter and manipulative to him in her emails and i know its because she wants him.

square813 · Joined: 25 Jul 2006 Posts: 246

i understand what your saying but he cant have closure on something that never was. and he lets you read email, only the ones he wants you to see. i dont know it sounds fishy. just be careful. i hope for the best for you two

Mysta · Joined: 28 Mar 2008 Posts: 27

u see only what he wants you to see... since u never spoke to this girl or even SAW them together...

i dont think having a better look is a bad idea, and huny, 3 years is nothing.

lovespell417 · Joined: 02 Apr 2008 Posts: 3

im sorry but this is not dumpworthy. i know he loves me and hes willing to end the friendship with her to be with me. three and a half years might be nothing to you, but ive been with him since i was 15, thats a big deal to me. its not trust we need to work on, i trust him. he even told me he was talking to her online, most guys would just hide it from their girl. i wasnt asking if i should forgive him, its been almost two years, ive already forgave him. i was asking if im being psycho for telling him to delete her altogether from his life.

Mysta · Joined: 28 Mar 2008 Posts: 27

how can u be psyco to think that? i mean just look at it.

i think its the right thing to do for now. also because he failed to respect ur trust for him.

so yeh, i think its not a bad idea for now

square813 · Joined: 25 Jul 2006 Posts: 246

i was with my hub since i was 13 im now 37 and been widowed for 6 1/2 yrs so honey dont tell me about time lines. back then i was in a similar situation lets just say i couldve saved myself alot of hurt but i fell for the same stuff hes not hiding it. your only what 18 your a yr older then my daughter. jesus you guys are to young for this shit whatever happened to kids being kids. your young so no matter what we say wont matter. good luck

Mysta · Joined: 28 Mar 2008 Posts: 27

i dont get this to be honest. why would u even forgive him if he wrote stuff like that to a girl? i mean, i duno.. maybe its just me, but i wouldnt be happy to know that my boyfriend writes crap like "im not happy" etc etc to his past love

not only, but after all this, he still hears her. and SEES her.

if he cares so much about you, why on earth would he even reply to this girl?
i wouldnt give a shit if one of my ex boyfriends started stuff like this. i mean maybe at the begining i would feel maybe... proud? duno... but if i see that my boyfriend doesnt like it and that my ex is staring to be a bit wierd with me and all... i would cut EVERYTHING out.
i love my boyfriend and just the thought that hes upset would
upset me too.

how can u call him trustworthy if he "emotionally " cheated on you?

pacindia990 · Joined: 11 Jun 2008 Posts: 2

it is crystal clear that he is much interested in her than being with you.there is no good meaning in staying back at him and hoping that he'll come after you as a fresh.that'll only give you and him miseries and bad memories to move on with.its better to remove the pain in the beginning.

courtneyiscool · Joined: 26 Mar 2007 Posts: 130

woman, it's still cheating, just not the physical kind. It would be best if you got this person out of your life.