How do I get back into the right frame of mind to date?

[PowerPufGrl]

OK, so I broke up with my last "boyfriend" about 2 years ago and I really haven't been "out there" since. My college roommate asked me if I wanted to go to a monthly dance called the Rhythm Revue with her, and this time I decided to go. They play oldies, which is right up my alley (I just turned 50). The dance was last Saturday.

So this guy asked me to dance. We danced for a good while (about 5 or 6 songs), then we sat and talked. He told me he was 46, divorced, no kids. Seemed like a nice guy. Said a lot of the right things. Didn't seem intimidated by the fact that I am an attorney -- in fact, he said he wanted a woman smarter than him because he wanted to learn from me. That sure was different. Said he didn't have any drama, and that once he broke up with somebody he doesn't keep contact with them so I wouldn't have to worry about women from his past showing up. We kissed for a bit (he was a good kisser), and we exchanged numbers before the end of the night. He only gave me his cell number because he said he gets junk calls on his landline and he didn't have caller ID. Hm. My eyebrow's raised already.

So we talked a few times. He called Sunday and we talked for a good while. Monday he said he'd call but didn't, so I called him Tuesday and he said he was out with his dad and stepmom and didn't want to call too late. He also said he actually had caller ID but didn't tell me because some psycho ex of his used to call at all hours (didn't make sense to me either). Wednesday he said he wasn't feeling well, and Thursday I called and left a voice mail just asking if he felt better.

Friday he leaves a message on my voice mail. Says he "has to tell me something". Uh oh. So he said he was seeing someone 7 months ago and they broke up because she left him for another man, and he was hurt by that. Then she called him last night and said the other guy was physically abusive, so she wants to come back to him. He thought about it and decided to give her another chance. So he wished me the best and hopes I find a wonderful man because I'm such a wonderful woman, blah, blah, blah.

At least he said this stuff BEFORE I got involved with him. But now I'm even more disgusted with the whole dating thing. No drama? No ex-girlfriends in the wings? No caller ID? Feh. What a liar. I wonder what else he lied about in the less-than-a-week I talked to him. My mother said the two of them deserve each other, and that women who date abusers have a pattern of picking the wrong guys, so who's to say he isn't abusive too? Maybe he figured I wouldn't stick around for that crap, so he'd cut out quick.

So my question is: How do I wrap my mind around getting back into the dating scene? I sure would appreciate any comments from anyone here. Thanks for reading!

[gingersnapd]

The best thing you can do to "wrap your mind" around dating is this: have no expectations. The experience you detailed here sounds a lot like there were some expectations there: you're out of the gate for the first time in 2 years, you meet a nice/good kisser guy, he calls you right away with a long conversation, of course you're going to think there is a possibility there. But I noticed that right after that conversation you started doing all the heavy lifting, and then you get the "see ya" phone call.

I know how you feel. When I got divorced 8 years ago, I was seeing a counselor, and the subject of dating came up. She told me that dating was a lot different these days. I've realized that it's not so much that dating is different, it's that I am different. I never had any expectations when I was dating in my 20s, I was just having fun. If I dated someone who never called me again after the first date, I didn't give a shit, it was just on to the next guy. Now that I'm your age, there's a whole slew of issues: not many attractive single guys my age, lots of younger guys who are just looking for sex, not to mention that I have a kid and a career and a whole life that has nothing to do with meeting men. I don't want to be a serial dater...I'd like to meet an attractive man whose baggage fits in the overhead and would like to have a real relationship with me. Sometimes it feels pretty discouraging.

In any case, do what I'm trying to do....keep the expectations to a minimum, especially with a guy that says all the right things. That way, when he doesn't walk the walk, you won't be disappointed. I've noticed lately that men talk a good game, but rarely follow up. Maybe they did the same years ago, and I just didn't care. I do now.