How do I let go

[catscalw]

Didn't you read the post?

She's gone, and by her own hand.

[Guitarista]

Catsclaw,

I speed-read it after a long night at work and thought it was her MOTHER who had committed suicide...I'm so sorry for my mistake.

I will re-read it more carefully.

In any case it is horribly sad.

And I feel angry.

It does prove my point, though, in one way...depression IS anger turned inward.

Many very angry people do commit suicide.

Again, I am so sorry. You know where my sentiments lie at any rate, regardless of my mistake.

[Guitarista]

So it is the daughter of Cantletgo posting under her mother's handle.

Sorry.

It's late and it was a long night at work.

[gingersnapd]

This post haunts me. Some of the things she said early on really hit home with me, about how she had prayed for this man, her pathetic love life, wanting to go to sleep and to not wake up....I have felt all those things. The reality is, the older we women get (I am older than she was) the chances we'll find a great love, and not just someone we're settling for, decline dramatically. I don't care how many people say that's bullshit....I am living it right now. Most of us have families, friends, great careers, but we want so much to have a man who makes our hearts beat faster just thinking of him. In the past eight years, I have had only two relationships, neither one of them lasting more than a couple of months, and both ended by the men I was involved with. I have come to the realization that I may never find what I want, and it hurts, badly. I feel like I'm being punished, and I don't know what I've done wrong. And it scares me to think that, if I was a different person, I might do just what she did. Rest in peace. I weep for you, and for myself.

[Guitarista]

Hello, Gingersnapd,

I know. I have felt all the things you are talking about.

Even the best contemporary philosophers of today, such as Eckhart Tolle and Carolyn Myss, speak of the "collective female pain body"....all the combined pain of women throughout history.

Being a woman is not an easy thing, nor has it ever been.

But Please, please, please, hear me....don't ever take your own life.

I have been close to it, a few times in my life. The worst time was over an illness I've struggled with for many years. Another time, though, it was over a man.

There is no man on this planet, and no relationship, that is worth your taking your own life. It can be very hard to be happy without a loving relationship with a man, but it is possible...in fact, there are women on this planet who are single and not dating anyone, and they have told me that it is the happiest time of their lives.

Maybe this is because they've learned to have a loving relationship with themselves.

I'm not saying that anything you are saying is bullshit, because each one of us has our feelings and our feelings are valid, regardless of what they are.

But what I am saying is that no matter how awful you are feeling now, it is still possible for you to be happy.

My happiness comes from my faith. And, sometimes, I falter in my faith, and can get very unhappy, but then I always go back, because to me, it's the only real Truth.

I do not follow any religious dogma, but I know, deep down, that there's a loving Higher Power, a Someone who loves me more deeply than I can imagine and much more than any man ever could.

And I know it is true for you, too.

As Eckhart Tolle once said, so very wisely, "There is only one true purpose for our lives on this earth, and that is to awaken."

Think about that statement. What does that mean, awakening?

It means finding that knowing inside, that you're Divinely Protected, and Loved. It means living as much of your life as you can in a "state of grace", as Catsclaw so wisely called it. It means creating a peace for yourself, and a happiness...and not resisting it.

There is beauty and love and joy all around us. If you can learn to focus on it and espouse it each day, it will begin to surround you more and more.

I have a little Chihuahua. To me, he is the embodiment of Love....if you saw him and held him, you'd know what I mean. He is so tiny, so vulnerable...but so tough! When someone comes to the door, he rushes to the top of the stair and woofs and growls as though he weighed 300 lb and had ten inch fangs....when in reality, he weighs all of 5 lb, 2 ounces.

His sandy colored fur is so soft and warm that when I pet him or hold him, I feel a warmth deep inside me that I could never explain to you in words. But it is the love of God that I feel.

I'm a nurse. I work in a hospital, and every day, I see people in pain and in fear...people who know how numbered are their days, people who cannot breathe, people who are in terrible pain, people who have been pushed to the edge of society because they have AIDS or similar.

Yet, they walk down those halls with me, carrying their IV poles, and we chat and have wonderful times together.

That, too, is God's love.

Some of the nurses I work with are divorced and will never find a male partner. But even so, their lives are SO rich.

Yours can be, too.

You are a child of God...a special and beautiful Soul.

The story of Cantletgo haunts me, too. At first I misread the post and did not understand that she'd died until Catsclaw pointed it out to me...but even so, I knew from reading her posts how she had felt. I've felt similar.

But when I feel I want to die, I gently remind myself that the only constant in this life is change.

Not all the women you see with men are happy. Some may be smiling and it all looks good...but you never see what happens, down the road. A good portion of the time, it's not so good.

Give that horrible, haunting despair and sadness to the only One who truly knows what to do with it.

Release it all to God.

And allow yourself the gift of happiness.

I'm glad you wrote here. I hope this helps, at least a little.

Please keep in touch with us, and I will pray for you.

Pat

[cache0256]

Remember this, if he loved you he would not abuse you mentally or physically.

He does not love you he loves himself. You need to love yourself first and get away from a relationship that is detrimental to you. This relationship is not good for you. Love yourself first. It does not matter
what age you are 43, 23, love should not be hurtful.

I know I am older and just was forced out of an abusive relationship he never touched me physically but the pain that he inflicted on me mentally I don't think I can ever recover from. I am moving on with my life just like he says he is but, I will never forget the pain and anguish I experienced with him.

But I can say that I now have peace of mind. I am confortable
being alone most of the time. It is peaceful when I am lonely and want to talk I poor my heart out to a higher being and he gives me the peace that
that I thought I would not have without this man. Love yourself, the man does not deserve all that you are suffering for him.

[_penchant]