i broke up with my boyfriend out of fear

[DUNTEE]

we were together for seven years and so far its been 3 weeks since we last spoke.

The problem is lately he seems to be getting aggressive and after one day where i thought he was going to hit me after he raised his hand at me. Maybe you might think I overreacted but I am scared of him now. He's getting so caught up in this "thug" persona (I think that Bone Thugs-N-Harmony lifestyle finally got to him and is causing him to act this way) that I think he's a ticking time bomb right now that will finally let go one day and I'm scared I will happen to be the target when that day hits. My best friend was always telling me he's no good and out of control and she's telling me I should've listened to her.

But recently he sent me a text message saying he knows he has anger issues and he's trying to work himself out but I'm still scared that one day he'll snap on me and I'll pay the price. On the other hand i can't just forget 7 years and act like i never cared for him because i still do. I really need help here and i hope some of y'all can offer me the right advice.

[square813]

you were right to leave. 7 yrs is a long time but but whats more important being with him or your health. he may not have struck you but the fact remains that he intimidated you which is still a form of abuse. think about it. take care.

[DUNTEE]

I understand what you're saying but to throw away seven years and leave him possibly harming himself in some way is the agoniser in this. I actually feared for my life when he snapped because he threatened to kill me (though he didn't actually touch me) and it just pains me to know that he is on such a self-destructive path. I want to feel safe and I do know that being near him has a high chance of being harmful to my well being. However it also pains be knowing how badly he's fallen.

I really hope there's a way deals with repercussions that ensure my wellbeing and his. Make no mistake though, our relationship is over as i can't stay with someone who is that unstable but those seven years have also made me care for his well being. It sounds stupid but it just makes my head hurt streswsing over this.

[square813]

hes a grown man. if hes that bad then mybe he needs to see a specialist. but the fact is dont let the number of yrs make you feel obligated because if you acted crazy he wouldnt think twice about walking away. if hes on a path of self destruct then the only one that can help him is his self.

[DUNTEE]

I guess you're right. if he cant save himself what can I do for him? I've been moping around all upset over this for what seems like ages but I feel I have to finally put this chapter of my life behind me and start putting my safety and wellbeing first.

If he can help himself and get over this I'll feel great for him but he can find someone else to be happy with the rest of his life cos the damage has already been done over here.

[square813]

your first step was leaving him and your second was admitting you have to get better. your on the right path stay strong. good luck

[Foundthebestman]

[quote="DUNTEE"]I guess you're right. if he cant save himself what can I do for him? ..............

You can't do anything for him. Not one single thing. That's what many women think in similar situations. It NEVER works that way. You've already invested your time and energy for 7yrs. Leaving was the RIGHT thin to do and don't beat yourself up over HIS problems and leaving him to deal with them by himself. If he wants help he will seek it out himself. If you offer anything up now, he ay just take that as kicking him while he is down and act out in anger against you. That, or he's admitting he has a problem only to suck you back in and gain your sympathy. Don't make this your problem. If you do, you'll find in the end that it was all wasted time. It NEVER works when we, as women, try to help a man become a real MAN. Never!

[courtneyiscool]

you're never going to get a man to make a change in his life for any other reason than him really wanting to. Sometimes, guys won't even change for their kids or their family, so you know he's not going to get his life together for you.

[McSeeking]

OHSHI-