I can't stop snooping....

[yankee63]

I was going through a horribly ugly divorce with the king of narcissists! I started reading his emails. For someone who thinks he's better than and smarter than everyone the dumbass created a new email account and used the same password! LOL! Anyway, I was reading all the emails that he was sending to people and at first I was mad, I would get knots in my stomach, heart palpitations, and full of rage. Then it hit me... none of this even matters! The only thing that matters is me, getting through the divorce with my head held high and if he wanted to use nasty, scheming, ugly tactics, well it just shows what kind of person he is. Hence the divorce! He accused me of cheating on him, yet he had emails to/from his girlfriend about seeing each other & having sex! he was emailing his attorney, his brother, my estranged sister (who I haven't spoken to in 3 years). The lies he was telling people, even his lawyer were incredible. But I took the high ground and laughed. I never said a word to him about anything I read, I never spoke to my sister about the lies, I never confronted him about his girlfriend, because honestly I didn't care! That's the key! Stop caring!!! Once you stop caring, you'll stop snooping. No matter what he does in his life, it cannot affect you unles you allow it to.

[becki1223]

I used to spy on my ex too. I did it so that I could have something to prove to him everytime he said that he cared about me. He was so convinced that when I would bring up an e-mail he would send some girl he would deny it stating that I didn't have proof. So one day, I printed off like 25 pages of stuff he was sending to other women and actually made four copies. I knew that if I only had one copy and handed it to him he would have destroyed it and tell me that I was full of it. I kept one copy at work so I knew he couldn't get a hold of it. I guess all I wanted was for him to admit to the things he said and did...finally got him to admit it. Then, of course, he told me that he had to talk to other girls because I didn't care about him, so he had to find someone new. I think you do it because you want a validated reason for why your not with him. I know I did to some extent. Also, when you're in an abusive relationship, you spend so much time dedicating yourself to trying to make that person happy, that when their gone, you don't know what to do with all this time you have, so you dedicate it to him again since that's what you're used to. When he has made you get rid of all your friends because they're "bad influences" you have no one to talk to. You wanna know how I stopped? I started talking to a domestic violence counselor. Talking to a counselor gave me the courage to stay away. It gave me self confidence, so the next time he told me that he was the best I would ever get, I could tell him, knowing, that he was full of shit and that I deserved and would find better for me and my kids. Other people will tell you to stop caring and have, but you won't be able to stop until you find something else to live for. Go out, have fun, find new and old friends. Only then will you find the ability and strength to stop spying. [/quote]