I don't know what to do... someone talk to me

mizwitty07 · Joined: 01 Dec 2008 Posts: 2

I have been married to my husband for a little over a year and a half. He is in the military and we moved across the country to his new base. This place is the farthest I have ever been from home. I know that I am not happy because of how I feel and how I act. Recently, we went back for a visit and it was like I was a new person. I felt like I used to about my husband, very much in love and very happy. Now since we've come back here, I feel worse than ever. Every little thing upsets me. I don't want to cuddle, kiss, have sex, or anything... all I want to do is sleep. I hate feeling like this, this is not me!!! I love my husband more than anything in this world and I don't want this depression I am in to ruin my marriage. Please, someone tell me what to do!!!

catscalw · Joined: 15 Mar 2008 Posts: 154

mizwitty07,
It sounds like you are depressed, little sister, at the very least.
I suggest you go to a proffesional counseler to explore the issues behind and underneath what's going on between you and your husband. You might be unconsiously blaming him for having to move away from your friends and family...ther could be some environemental factor contributing to your depression...it could be any of a hundred things, all of which could be overcome wirth an investment of a time and attention. It sounds complex and needing the attention of a professional therapist. If you can't afford one, a lot of county services have community mental health services that are offeres at a huge discount. The base probably has someone on staff that you might be able to see. Also, if you are religious, your church can provide a level of support.

The good news is that all this may be able to be worked out.

There is help.
There is hope.

mizwitty07 · Joined: 01 Dec 2008 Posts: 2

Thank you so very much! You will be happy to know that I have started working things out in my life and I feel so much better! Everything is improving and I am so much happier! Your post really helped me and made me feel better.... so thank you sooo much! Very Happy

catscalw · Joined: 15 Mar 2008 Posts: 154

MacyRose · Joined: 03 Mar 2009 Posts: 4

When I read your post I just had to reply. I'm a former military brat, so I totally know about the disruption to your life when you have to move. We used to move as often as twice a year. That's the way military life is. There is excitement about going to the new post, then you are busy unpacking, then you settle in and then what? You are in a new place with no friends and nothing to do, right? Instead of sitting home alone and being depressed, you need to make opportunities for yourself to meet people and make friends.

Join the Military wives club on the base, find out about local classes in things you are interested in and sign up for them, get a part time job (for example at the Exchange or Comissary where you can meet others in the military) or volunteer in some area you are passionate about. Another important thing to do is find out all about the area you now live in. Go to tourist attractions, museums, sight see! Learn about what food is produced locally and learn how to cook it. If you are near an ocean, go to the local fish market and find out what the best local seafood is and try it all! It will be inexpensive and learning how to prepare it well is a great way to save money! Consider joining in on some type of sport such as bowling or golf or tennis where you can meet other people who enjoy doing that as well. Don't forget to hit the base library. Make friends with the librarian, find out when the new bestsellers come in - reserve them in advance if you can! Ask your husband to invite over some of his work buddies and their wives this weekend for a little party - you could do something simple and inexpensive such as a backyard barbeque or maybe you invite everyone over to play Texas Hold 'em poker - you might just find another woman who is in the same situation you are in and wants to make friends! Ask the ladies at the party what they do. Do they work? How do they fill their time? I bet they will have some great ideas for you!

The more you do to put yourself out there and make friends, the happier you will be and suddenly, the new base willl feel like home!

However, if your depression doesn't begin to lift soon, I think you seriously need to talk to a doctor about getting antidepressants. Depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain. It can be short term, and may clear up once you get your life going on the new base, but if it's not, then you need to get medicine for it because it will get worse. It's nothing to be ashamed of.

Good luck to you! It takes time and some work, but you can make a life for yourself as a military wife! It can be a lot of fun!