I need a guy's view on this one...

[Notalotaluck]

I'm a 20 year old senior in college and I can't figure out why I can't find a good guy. I have been through the psychos, clingers (they seem to flock to me), losers, and ass holes in disguise... but never a good one. Literally every guy I have ever been in a relationship with has cheated on me, and I dont know why I can't find one that will just stay faithful. They all start out as great guys, but it never fails, they end up cheating on me. I'm not full of myself but I know that I am a fun girl to be around, and I'm somewhat attractive... I think. lol. So I really want to know... Is there something wrong with me? What do the GOOD guys look for in a girl? And where the heck do I find one? I know they are probably hard questions to answer but I'm starting to lose hope and I don't want to end up being the crazy old single woman with 90 cats. Help!!!

[NVRSCORNED]

I can tell you from experience that if you have run through a string of terrible partners it is because you have an aura about you that says "I like fixer uppers." I am a 20 year old male and ever since I started dating I had the same issues as you. I attracted every type of undesirable partner from the emotionable unavailable to the psychotic stalker. After a while I had to sit down and take a good long look at myself. Now I know I am a good guy I have a large circle of nice friends and I am decent looking guy. Not a 10 but I get compliments from the opposite sex. Anyways my point is I realized that you don't have to be a trainwreck to attract trainwrecks you just have to be the kind of person who sets yourself up for failure. I came to realize that part of who I am as a person is the fact I am very bad at picking a good partner. If you are anything like I am then you are probably a very good judge of character, your friends may even come to you when they want an honest opinion on someone, I know my friends do. It is hard to fathom that we are at the same time great judges of characters but so willing to date every kind of person we shouldn't be with. You unconciously seek out undersirables because that is the type of partner you are drawn too. It is not that you wouldn't like a good man in your life but you just aren't initially attracted to them. I finally decided to let my friends step in and perform a sort of pre-screen on the girls I was attracted too. Of course they shot down 9 out of 10 of the girls I thought were perfect for me but eventually they liked one of the girls I had feelings for and I have been in a good, healthy relationship with her for 8 months now. I hope this helps and I mean in no way to be condescending or uppity. I feel for you as a person who suffered the same problem.

[queue1114]

[Gomer619]

By this I mean you are the one sending out the signal to all the guys you do not want to be with. It's hard to tell you what you need to do though. I had a couple yers of the same thing. I got fed up and simply worked onmyself for a little while. I knewit had lettle to do with the women I was atracted to and more to do with something inside me that seemed to crave disfunctional women. I'd recommend you take a break and do some soul searching. Try to figure out why you seem to be attracted to these kinds of men. My best female friend is going through the same thing you are. I love her to death but my god her radar is beyond busted. She even asked me to try and set her up with a goo guy which I did twice for her. Each time she wound up pushing them away. I'm giving her the same advice I'm giving you. You will not find a guy you will be happy with until you figure out why you are drawn to these guys. I can spot girls who like to get involved with broken men and I avoid them. I hope this helped you out somewhat. I wish had more advice for you. Good luck.

[whyidontdate]

Good guys are everywhere. But no one is perfect.

[mealstrom]

First off, you're in college. College is meant to have fun, date, and enjoy yourself. That's what most guys are doing. If you're already looking for a solid, long-term relationship then it's going to create an aura of desperation that will repel most normal guys but will attract guys who feed off of that.

I also agree that you're probably being too forgiving with the types of guys you're dating. If you're finding guys that have serious issues, then that's what you're going to get.

Remember that you're still very young. Invariably (and I'm sure many women on here can vouch for this) a woman at 20 or 21 is a COMPLETELY different person than she is at 26 or 27. You may find the 'perfect guy' only to realize a few years later that he was perfect for you when you were 20.

That doesn't mean it can't happen though - plenty of relationships start in college. Keep in mind where you're picking these guys up. The location should tell you everything about what kind of guy it is. As a guy if I want a short-term sexual relationship I go to school functions, bars, clubs, and parties. If I want something that'll last I join groups that have similar interests as mine, or start hanging out in places like Barnes and Nobles and such.

The best advice I could give would be to just relax, chill out, and enjoy your college years. If you're spending it trying to find a life partner then you're wasting it.

[graverobber]

[AskAverageGuy]

mentality of a 20-year old guy is any different than that of a 10-year old guy! You're in college and guys in college aren't even thinking about being faithful or settling down. They are literally sowing their wild oats, as they say.

Your best bet is to concentrate on college, graduate and think about settling down when you're older. Guys don't get serious about dating until they're at least 30, so you've got time.

[graverobber]