what is his deal?

[not_again88]

four years ago i started dating this guy and at first things were really great but then we started fighting all the time and he finally broke up with me during one of our arguments. he immediately regretted it but i wouldn't take him back... i thought our relationship had turned toxic. however, we never really ended it and for the past four years we've been sleeping together, we talk on the phone several times a day, and he gets jealous if i see anyone else. lately he has been going to bars and bringing different women home every weekend, yet he doesn't want me to go out and meet other men, and during the week he still sleeps at my house and says he loves me. can he really love me and be with all these other women? i'm not happy with the way things are now, i don't want to cut him out of my life, but i want a serious relationship and i don't know that he will ever give me that. what is his deal?

[mealstrom]

Emotions are crazy things! Yes, he can still love you and be with someone else. Yes, he can still love someone else and still sleep with you.

The bigger problem is that you two haven't taken the HARD (but mature) step of just ending it. You two are never going to be like you used to, it's way too late for that. Too much has happened. But each of you are holding on because you still care for the person.

Sometimes being an adult means that you have to make hard sacrifices to take care of yourself. Your best bet is to cut this off now, otherwise you'll be asking the exact same question a year from now.

Some things you should keep in mind:
1. He knows you're never going to leave him, so he's taking advantage of your weakness to fulfill his sexual and emotional needs.
2. Since you two were together for so long you're likely not using protection, which means that if some girl gives him herpes, AIDS, or any other STD then you're going to most likely get it too.
3. If some other girl was going through the same thing, what would you tell her to do?
4. What if the perfect guy already passed you by, but you couldn't get with him because you were too busy keeping an old flame alive?

And finally, if you ever have daughters how will you ever be able to teach them to respect themselves when guys treat them this way if you can't do it yourself?

It's a TOUGH decision to make - I know I've been there. But you have to make it. He's never going to be with you and only you again, so if you don't end it soon you're just opening yourself up to years of heartache and pain.

Good luck.

[graverobber]

1. Make a concerted effort to have an exclusive relationship with him work and make sure he makes the same effort (if he is unwilling, see no. 2.)

2. Cut him out of your life