LOVE PANEL
Question:
I was in a three-month relationship that ended several months ago. I was never really sure about him. I questioned the relationship the whole time because he always seemed very detached to me.
By month two of the relationship he said "I love you." I didn't say it back because that is a) not something I take lightly and b) I wasn't sure that I felt the same way. However, by the end of the relationship, I did love him.
He also never apologized for anything hurtful he said or did while we were in the relationship, yet I apologized when I said something hurtful. I also apologized at the time of the break-up, but he didn't, even knowing that he was being very hurtful to me.
We had an argument which resulted in us breaking up on Valentine's day. We tried to be friends after but it didn't work. When he wanted to be friends, I wasn't sure. When I wanted to be friends, he wasn't sure. It was a push-pull situation.
About three months after the break-up, I tried to contact him just to say that he was an important element in my life and that even if we couldn't be friends we could at least try to be decent because we have mutual friends.
His response was hateful. He basically said that he was neither patient nor kind. Also, he said that my contacting him was harassment and that we were never friends so it's not as though we would hang out now. He said that he couldn't give me closure--which I wasn't asking for--but time could.
It's only bothersome because he has been actively avoiding me for months now. I have not tried to contact him or anything, but I just wonder why he would go to such great lengths to actively avoid me when all I tried to do before was be decent and I have not contacted him anymore after that one time, which was many months ago.
Also, he has started coming over to my apartment and still won't even look at me or address me, yet he will talk to my other roommates. He is friends with one roommate. He started to become friends with this roommate while we were dating. He initially ignored my friends, which I introduced him to when were dating. Now, he speaks to them as well, but still he won't acknowledge me. It's just very awkward for me because after accusing me of harassment (from sending one non-threatening email requesting decency) he comes to my apartment to hang out with one of my roommates, who is also one of my friends.
Honestly, I find it disrespectful that he would come to my apartment and completely disregard me/act as if he doesn't know me in front of my roommates.
Why would he still avoid me when everything has been over for months? Why would he bother coming near me?coming to a friend's apartment that I live with when he accused me of harassment? I have not at all tried to approach him ever nor have I contacted him since that email. I just don't understand the reason for avoidance and theatrics. If he is going to come to my apartment, the least he could do is acknowledge me like everyone else. I am a human being. Even though we are not friends that doesn't mean I shouldn't be respected, especially when I have given respect.
Wondering 08 December, 2008 - 11:49
Wondering 08 December, 2008 - 11:49
Answers:
Empower Yourself to Make Better Choices in Love! Checkout these insightful answers written by renowned
love experts!
Empower Yourself to Make Better Choices in Love! Checkout these insightful answers written by renowned
love experts!
Hey girl! It's very obvious to me that this guy you were dating is VERY immature. You are right - there is no reason for the avoidance and theatrics, except that he doesn't know the basic rules of etiquette, which is when you walk into someone's house, you acknowledge them. Your roommate also plays a role in this as well. He or she should let this guy know that he's disrespecting the house when he plays the avoidance game with you and demand that he acknowledge you if he's going to come into the house. However, as you know, you can't control what other people do. It sounds like you've handled this break up with grace and dignity and if your ex chooses not to, then that's up to him. At least you know in your heart at the end of the day that you did the right thing. Now it's time to stop thinking about him and what he does and get out there and find a great guy who deserves you! Try our new dating site - www.DontDateHimGirl.com/dating to meet great guys from around the world!
I agree with Tasha here. This guy is acting like a 2-year old. I say good riddance. You seem like a very intelligent woman who doesn't need to waste your time with someone like this. It's unfortunate that he doesn't acknowledge you when he comes into YOUR house. Your roommate, whom your ex is visiting, needs to put a stop to that. You all live there collectively and he's disrespecting all of you with his actions.