LOVE PANEL
Question:
Thank you for shining a light on the issue of domestic violence among women on the site recently. I'm in a relationship where my boyfriend of five years constantly berates me. I've gained weight since the birth of our children and he's constantly comparing me to women we see on TV. What can I do?
Wondering 20 December, 2006 - 00:00
Wondering 20 December, 2006 - 00:00
Answers:
Empower Yourself to Make Better Choices in Love! Checkout these insightful answers written by renowned
love experts!
Empower Yourself to Make Better Choices in Love! Checkout these insightful answers written by renowned
love experts!
If he's normally loving and supportive, and these comments are an anomaly, it's time to have a serious discussion with him about how he's treating you. Pick a time when you aren't angry and ask him to stop criticizing you in a calm, but firm manner. Let him know that his comments are not helpful or funny. If he loves you and wants to make the relationship work, he will listen.
It's going to be hard and it's going to take a solid commitment on your part, but it can be done. There are many women who've had to get their former smokin' bods back after having a baby. He's going to see that you're out there dropping those pounds and he'll probably ease up on the comparison comments. Sometimes men try to tell us something, but they just don't know how to do it in the right way. Blame on their brains, testosterone, whatever; but I think this is a case where your man is probably trying to tell you to lose weight, but in his mind he thinks if he compares you to the women on TV that you'll get the hint. Idiotic, I know, but men are men. He's probably no Taye Diggs or Brad Pitt, so you could also suggest that he join you at the gym once in awhile. It will probably a great bonding thing for the both of you. If, on the other hand, he berates you, calls you names or is otherwise abusive to you, this is another matter all together and you'll need to seek help to get out of that relationship. Call a local domestic violence hotline in your area or call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233. Good luck!
Did he berate you before you gained weight? I am a guy that cannot stand fat women. I am completely turned off. If you want him, then go to the gym and watch your food intake. You have to burn more calories than you take in everyday. An easy rule of thumb is not to eat processed foods or anything white. You will be surprised how many calories are in those types of foods. Just showing him that you are trying is a positive first step. Also, tell him to exercise with you. That's a great thing for you to do together and he can be supportive of your efforts.