LOVE PANEL
Question:
This site is a blessing. Thank you so much for your effort and advice to all the member. Here is my problem. I'm in a relationship for 13 years with a divorced doctor, 17 years older than me. I'm 39 and he's 57.
We don't live together, but we stay together, my place or his place occasionally, and we never had a fight, mostly because I hate arguments. Anyway, in May 2007 I found out that he was having an affair with a married woman, mother of 2 boys and 10 years older than me, who was supposed to be my 'friend'. I confronted him and we had a huge fight over the phone.
It felt like a small death but I stepped back even thought I was so painful. The summer was over and he started texting me again. But it looked like he was waiting for me to make a move and reconnect. When we finally met 7 months after our break up, I saw regret on his face, so I gave him another chance and thing were great after that. 2 years pass and recently I found out that they still see each other and they actually spend some of his summer holidays together. After the summer holidays he spent with the other woman he has changed somehow. He is more affectionate, we spend EVERY weekend together, quality time together, he is more open and friendlier, he is the one who initiates phone calls, dates, sex, trips, everything.
He finds time to spend with me despite his busy schedule. He came closer to me which makes me wonder - What's wrong!!! Oh! And - he doesn't know that I'm aware of this 'summer holiday with the other woman' thing, 'cause I haven't confronted him yet. And to tell you the truth, I'm not willing to. I won't throw 13 years of my life into the toilet because of him. Which means I'm on alert. I want to fight for my man and my relationship and I want her out of our lives once and for all.
I feel that at this point, any kind of advice or help would be much appreciated. Sorry for the long post and thank you so much for your time and patience. Love, Lena
Wondering 17 September, 2009 - 13:31
Wondering 17 September, 2009 - 13:31
Answers:
Empower Yourself to Make Better Choices in Love! Checkout these insightful answers written by renowned
love experts!
Empower Yourself to Make Better Choices in Love! Checkout these insightful answers written by renowned
love experts!
Hi Lena, You have already given this guy a lot of your time - 13 years. What do you have to show for it? He had an affair while you both together and then left you for the other woman. He comes back 2 years later a changed man. Is he still seeing this woman? If he is, it doesn't matter how many weekends you guys spend together, he obviously still has feelings for this woman. At this point, you're not fighting for "your" man, because he's not your man, he is her man, too. If I were you, I would move on.
Hi Lena, Thanks for writing DDHG for advice! I have to agree with Average Guy on this one. You're only 39 and have already dedicated over a decade of your life to this man. He's still seeing the other woman and it's like you're just another option for him. If the other woman isn't available on a weekend, he's with you. Or perhaps he sees her during the week and is with you on the weekends. That's not a real relationship. You have to sit back and reevaluate what you really want out of your love life. Why do you feel that you have to put up with this guy's behavior? You have to value yourself enough that you don't let a guy like this come in and out of your life over a 13-year time span whenever he feels like it. It's time to get put yourself and your feelings first and decide if you're really willing to accept the fractured relationship this guy is offering. He may have come back after 2 years a changed man, but think about the heartache he put you through before and to make matters worse, he's still seeing the same woman that came between you years earlier. I would move on from the relationship as soon as you can. You deserve a guy who is going to be dedicated to you and not treat you like a doormat.
Girlfriend please! What a can a cheating damn near 60-year-old man do for you?! It sounds like you may have daddy issues, but put that aside for the moment. This guy is a cheater and you've given too much of your young life to him already. Let him play with women his own age. Move on ASAP! There are plenty of hot 30-something men who would love to spend time with you! Belief in yourself. You are worth it!