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I was seeing this guy about two years ago he moved to a different state and got married. Well, him and his wife were having marital problems and he moved back to his home state he contacted me. We started talking and he asked me out. I didn't know he was married until about 3 months into us going out. He had no ring on his finger. He finally told me he was married. I broke up with him because I wouldn't want that done to me so I asked him why he didn't tell me and he told me because he was seeing if he still had feelings for her. He told me that he doesn't and that he has more feelings for me. And now I feel like I wrecked a marriage and he still tells me he loves me and he wants to be with me. And I have no clue what to do he is getting divorced to be with me. I don't want that hanging over my head. What should I do? I'm 20 and he's 27.

Wondering 16 January, 2009 - 14:27
I was in a three-month relationship that ended several months ago. I was never really sure about him. I questioned the relationship the whole time because he always seemed very detached to me. By month two of the relationship he said "I love you." I didn't say it back because that is a) not something I take lightly and b) I wasn't sure that I felt the same way. However, by the end of the relationship, I did love him. He also never apologized for anything hurtful he said or did while we were in the relationship, yet I apologized when I said something hurtful. I also apologized at the time of the break-up, but he didn't, even knowing that he was being very hurtful to me. We had an argument which resulted in us breaking up on Valentine's day. We tried to be friends after but it didn't work. When he wanted to be friends, I wasn't sure. When I wanted to be friends, he wasn't sure. It was a push-pull situation. About three months after the break-up, I tried to contact him just to say that he was an important element in my life and that even if we couldn't be friends we could at least try to be decent because we have mutual friends. His response was hateful. He basically said that he was neither patient nor kind. Also, he said that my contacting him was harassment and that we were never friends so it's not as though we would hang out now. He said that he couldn't give me closure--which I wasn't asking for--but time could. It's only bothersome because he has been actively avoiding me for months now. I have not tried to contact him or anything, but I just wonder why he would go to such great lengths to actively avoid me when all I tried to do before was be decent and I have not contacted him anymore after that one time, which was many months ago. Also, he has started coming over to my apartment and still won't even look at me or address me, yet he will talk to my other roommates. He is friends with one roommate. He started to become friends with this roommate while we were dating. He initially ignored my friends, which I introduced him to when were dating. Now, he speaks to them as well, but still he won't acknowledge me. It's just very awkward for me because after accusing me of harassment (from sending one non-threatening email requesting decency) he comes to my apartment to hang out with one of my roommates, who is also one of my friends. Honestly, I find it disrespectful that he would come to my apartment and completely disregard me/act as if he doesn't know me in front of my roommates. Why would he still avoid me when everything has been over for months? Why would he bother coming near me?coming to a friend's apartment that I live with when he accused me of harassment? I have not at all tried to approach him ever nor have I contacted him since that email. I just don't understand the reason for avoidance and theatrics. If he is going to come to my apartment, the least he could do is acknowledge me like everyone else. I am a human being. Even though we are not friends that doesn't mean I shouldn't be respected, especially when I have given respect.

Wondering 08 December, 2008 - 11:49
 
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