Breaking Up is Hard to Do - Or Is It?
We all suffer the heartache of breaking up. It affects you on a physical level. It is hard to get out of bed, time seems to stand still, and the depression and sadness feel overwhelming. Some people binge on food, others withdraw from the world.
Some people call in sick for a few days, others cry to friends and family until there are no more tears left. Breaking up will not be that hard if you look at it in another way, from these two different perspectives.
First, we all know how to shop for clothes. We gather a lot of outfits, head for the dressing room, and try them all on. If we are smart shoppers, we have three criteria before we buy. It must absolutely fit, we must absolutely love it, and we must absolutely have to have it. If the clothes meet all three of these requirements, then we buy.
Dating and breaking up is exactly like trying on those clothes. You wouldn't buy a skirt or a shirt that didn't fit right, so why would you stay with a man who doesn't fit right, either? You have to try on a lot of clothes before you find the perfect outfit, and you know it when you see it.
You don't keep everything in the dressing room just because you took it in there and tried it on in stall number three, now do you? It is the same with men. You need to try on a lot before you find the perfect one. You don't buy the ones that don't fit. You move on to the next outfit to try on. You need to feel the same way about the men you date, and do not hang on to the ones who do not meet all of your criteria.
Realize that this is the real meaning of the dating game, and understanding it comes with maturity, growing up and developing a sense of humor. You are not serious about all the clothes you take into the dressing room, so do not be serious about all the men you date, either. Dating is for trying men on and finding the ones who are a perfect fit.
Second, understand that breaking up does not have to be permanent. Breaking up is often a way of moving a relationship forward through growth and change. Growth does not happen without change, and breaking up can be a way to force change and find new ground in a relationship. If your man has done you wrong, break up with him.
If he is getting lazy and taking you for granted, break up with him. Give him some time to think about it, and do not return his calls and emails immediately, either. Let him think he really lost you.
Often, you can gain more with silence than you would with a hundred conversations. Break up with him, relax, and take a chill pill. Go to the movies, cook something fabulous, and go out on the town with your girlfriends while he cools his heels thinking about what he lost. Have you ever seen the movie, "Two Can Play That Game"? In it, the main character breaks up with her man when she catches him lying about dinner with a co-worker. She keeps the upper hand by playing it cool, while he goes crazy trying to get her back. It is a great movie, with some great dating and breaking up strategy.
I highly recommend watching it, especially if you are in the middle of a breakup. It helps you get your sense of humor back, and reinforces the idea that it it not really over until you decide it is. Breaking up does not have to be permanent, but he doesn't have to know that.
Save yourself some heartache and some tears by changing the way you think about breakups.
Remember, all is fair in love and war, and breakups are part of the game of love.
Kerry Gray, the Love Doctor
kerrylgray@gmail.com
Some people call in sick for a few days, others cry to friends and family until there are no more tears left. Breaking up will not be that hard if you look at it in another way, from these two different perspectives.
First, we all know how to shop for clothes. We gather a lot of outfits, head for the dressing room, and try them all on. If we are smart shoppers, we have three criteria before we buy. It must absolutely fit, we must absolutely love it, and we must absolutely have to have it. If the clothes meet all three of these requirements, then we buy.
Dating and breaking up is exactly like trying on those clothes. You wouldn't buy a skirt or a shirt that didn't fit right, so why would you stay with a man who doesn't fit right, either? You have to try on a lot of clothes before you find the perfect outfit, and you know it when you see it.
You don't keep everything in the dressing room just because you took it in there and tried it on in stall number three, now do you? It is the same with men. You need to try on a lot before you find the perfect one. You don't buy the ones that don't fit. You move on to the next outfit to try on. You need to feel the same way about the men you date, and do not hang on to the ones who do not meet all of your criteria.
Realize that this is the real meaning of the dating game, and understanding it comes with maturity, growing up and developing a sense of humor. You are not serious about all the clothes you take into the dressing room, so do not be serious about all the men you date, either. Dating is for trying men on and finding the ones who are a perfect fit.
Second, understand that breaking up does not have to be permanent. Breaking up is often a way of moving a relationship forward through growth and change. Growth does not happen without change, and breaking up can be a way to force change and find new ground in a relationship. If your man has done you wrong, break up with him.
If he is getting lazy and taking you for granted, break up with him. Give him some time to think about it, and do not return his calls and emails immediately, either. Let him think he really lost you.
Often, you can gain more with silence than you would with a hundred conversations. Break up with him, relax, and take a chill pill. Go to the movies, cook something fabulous, and go out on the town with your girlfriends while he cools his heels thinking about what he lost. Have you ever seen the movie, "Two Can Play That Game"? In it, the main character breaks up with her man when she catches him lying about dinner with a co-worker. She keeps the upper hand by playing it cool, while he goes crazy trying to get her back. It is a great movie, with some great dating and breaking up strategy.
I highly recommend watching it, especially if you are in the middle of a breakup. It helps you get your sense of humor back, and reinforces the idea that it it not really over until you decide it is. Breaking up does not have to be permanent, but he doesn't have to know that.
Save yourself some heartache and some tears by changing the way you think about breakups.
Remember, all is fair in love and war, and breakups are part of the game of love.
Kerry Gray, the Love Doctor
kerrylgray@gmail.com
18 March, 2010 - 18:21
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