Celebrate The Good Things in Life
Couples who sincerely celebrate good news together through sharing in the good news, actively listening and congratulating their triumphant partners were less likely to break up than those who offered each other support only during hard times.
The study at the University of California at Santa Barbara videotaped 79 couples as they shared good and bad news with each other. How they shared the news was categorized into four ways that included active and passive listening and responding with constructive or destructive comments.
It is not surprising that the active listener who responded with constructive comments was one of the traits of the happiest couples. What did surprise the researchers was that the behavior of passive listeners who offered positive comments was just as destructive to the relationship as the passive and active listeners who offered negative comments.
An example is the person who says "good news" in a positive way but then goes back to reading their newspaper, which is passive behavior. This trait over time negatively affected the couples' satisfaction as much as the other destructive comments and passive actions did.
The secret, then, is learning to put the newspaper down, listen to your partner, offer good comments, and then keep listening. Do not pick the newspaper back up! Share your partner's good news with a toast, a dinner, or a fun activity that creates a good memory for you both over the good news. Learn to really celebrate the good times with your partner, and unlock one of the keys to lasting happiness as a couple. -- Kerry L. Gray, kerry@dontdatehimgirl.com
The study at the University of California at Santa Barbara videotaped 79 couples as they shared good and bad news with each other. How they shared the news was categorized into four ways that included active and passive listening and responding with constructive or destructive comments.
It is not surprising that the active listener who responded with constructive comments was one of the traits of the happiest couples. What did surprise the researchers was that the behavior of passive listeners who offered positive comments was just as destructive to the relationship as the passive and active listeners who offered negative comments.
An example is the person who says "good news" in a positive way but then goes back to reading their newspaper, which is passive behavior. This trait over time negatively affected the couples' satisfaction as much as the other destructive comments and passive actions did.
The secret, then, is learning to put the newspaper down, listen to your partner, offer good comments, and then keep listening. Do not pick the newspaper back up! Share your partner's good news with a toast, a dinner, or a fun activity that creates a good memory for you both over the good news. Learn to really celebrate the good times with your partner, and unlock one of the keys to lasting happiness as a couple. -- Kerry L. Gray, kerry@dontdatehimgirl.com
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