Help! I Don't Know How to Kick Him to the Curb
Dear Sonia,
The guy that I am seeing has not been faithful to me. Back in March he got busted. Found out he was seeing me and four other women. The entire time he had been saying that I was cheating on him and that he thought I had an addiction to men and that he does not cheat.
But he was the one with the problem. I have been nothing but faithful. Well come to find out I am pregnant and I gave him a chance to do things with me the right way. I have been very stressed and I have gone to the hospital a few times.
The first time after I went I told him I didn't want to have sex because I hadnt been feeling well. He messed up again when he called one of the girls that he had cheated on me with and tried to get her to have sex with him, but she didn't.
When I found out from her the next day he said he figured I was behind it and I had been telling her to call him. We stopped talking again and for the sake of my baby I gave him yet another chance. I'm tired of him still saying I'm cheating if I don't answer the phone in the middle of the night or if I breathe a little to hard on the phone he says I'm having sex while talking to him.
I only deal with him because of the baby on the way but I don't know how to cut him off. I'm hurting and it's hurting my baby. I cry everyday and I'm an emotional wreck. What should I do?
A. Well, you are correct, he has a problem. But, you have a bigger one and that is continuing to have a relationship with him. He will continue to project his issues onto you as long as you are there for the taking. That way he never has to be accountable. Set some boundaries about how he is allowed to be in your life. He can be a father to the child the two of you share, without being in an intimate relationship with you. It is important for you to take care of yourself, especially at this juncture in your life and pregnancy. The best example that you can set for your child, is the one that you set for yourself. Participating in a relationship with a man who sleeps with other women while accusing you of the same is emotional abuse. You have no obligation to be in a relationship with him. If he chooses to be involved with his child, that is your only obligation...to foster the relationship with him as the other biological parent and all that this entails. -- Sonia Torretto, sonia@menshouldcomewithwarninglabels.com
The guy that I am seeing has not been faithful to me. Back in March he got busted. Found out he was seeing me and four other women. The entire time he had been saying that I was cheating on him and that he thought I had an addiction to men and that he does not cheat.
But he was the one with the problem. I have been nothing but faithful. Well come to find out I am pregnant and I gave him a chance to do things with me the right way. I have been very stressed and I have gone to the hospital a few times.
The first time after I went I told him I didn't want to have sex because I hadnt been feeling well. He messed up again when he called one of the girls that he had cheated on me with and tried to get her to have sex with him, but she didn't.
When I found out from her the next day he said he figured I was behind it and I had been telling her to call him. We stopped talking again and for the sake of my baby I gave him yet another chance. I'm tired of him still saying I'm cheating if I don't answer the phone in the middle of the night or if I breathe a little to hard on the phone he says I'm having sex while talking to him.
I only deal with him because of the baby on the way but I don't know how to cut him off. I'm hurting and it's hurting my baby. I cry everyday and I'm an emotional wreck. What should I do?
A. Well, you are correct, he has a problem. But, you have a bigger one and that is continuing to have a relationship with him. He will continue to project his issues onto you as long as you are there for the taking. That way he never has to be accountable. Set some boundaries about how he is allowed to be in your life. He can be a father to the child the two of you share, without being in an intimate relationship with you. It is important for you to take care of yourself, especially at this juncture in your life and pregnancy. The best example that you can set for your child, is the one that you set for yourself. Participating in a relationship with a man who sleeps with other women while accusing you of the same is emotional abuse. You have no obligation to be in a relationship with him. If he chooses to be involved with his child, that is your only obligation...to foster the relationship with him as the other biological parent and all that this entails. -- Sonia Torretto, sonia@menshouldcomewithwarninglabels.com
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