How to Recognize Teen Dating Abuse
Dear Kerry,
Me and this guy started dating but we were talking for over a year and would hang out,but I always turned him down. Nathan was there for me so I figured why not, let's try it out and see how this works.
He is 21 and I'm 18 and he's talking bout having kids with me and stuff which to me is crazy. For one, I'm not ready yet. And now I've noticed that two nights ago I was over there and he took a toothpick and wrote his name in my arm and he says I'm his.
Last night he took pliers and pinched my leg with them and then I said I was leaving so he threw my keys outside.
When I tell him I'm not coming back for some reason he takes my stuff so I have to come back there. I think he knows I'm not happy there but when I wanna leave he takes something of mine and when I try to talk to him about it he doesn't want to talk or he interupts me with other things.
Do u think I'm in an abusive realtionship now? I need some advice.
-- Lisa, Delaware
Dear Lisa,
Yes, I think it is a bad relationship and you should tell him you want no contact with him for thirty days while you think about what you really want. It sounds like he really does not care about your feelings, and it also sounds like he could be violent and destroy your things on down the road.
There are a lot of warning signs of guys who turn into bad guys. Being controlling, being possessive, being bossy, like in telling you who to see and what to wear. Separating you from your family and friends, being highly critical, using your money, and being violent at all, especially then trying to dismiss it, are all big warning signs.
Not paying attention to your feelings is also one. The biggest one I hear from you, though, is that you do not feel good in this relationship. Successful relationships make you feel good, not bad, and in the bad relationships your intuition, you know deep down in your heart, in your gut, that it is not a good one, and it sounds like you are doing that, too.
Pay attention to your gut instinct and your intuition. It is the best tool you have for figuring out which guys are bad for you, and it is seldom wrong.
Your biggest job in life right now is to date a lot of different kinds of guys. This will make you a more well rounded, mature person later. Just like reading lots of books, traveling a lot, and taking different kinds of classes helps you grow up, so does dating different kinds of people. That makes sense, doesn't it?
It is also like trying on clothes. You don't buy a shirt just because you took it on in the dressing room and just because it is on sale. You only buy, stick with and wear, the ones that are perfect for you. You also have to try on a lot of clothes to find the perfect shirt.
Guard yourself and your future by only investing in those things that bring you greater maturity and wisdom. Finish school and take a lot of different classes. Travel as much as possible, listen to all kinds of music and reads lots of different books. See all the movies, make friends with lots of people, and do a variety of exercise and sports and hobbies.
In the same way, date a lot of different boys, and definitely, definitely steer clear of those who give you bad vibes, bad feelings, and the ones that your gut tells you are wrong. Your future is so important, and the investments you make now will pay off big time later. Your most important job right now is to guard your future, your life and yourself. This is the only way you will be successful, and later have the choices that success brings, like being able to live financially without worry where you want, and having and raising a family the way you want, and taking vacations the way you want. All of the important things will come your way later if you make the right choices now, and this is a big one.
Breakups are easy to handle if you understand a few break up principles and strategies. I recommend the book It's Called a Break Up Because It's Broken, or Break Up Girl to the Rescue. You can find them in any bookstore, online or even in the local library. They might even have a website.
Let me know if I can be of any more help to you. I am here, and we appreciate you writing us at DontDateHimGirl.com here on MySpace. - Kerry Gray
Me and this guy started dating but we were talking for over a year and would hang out,but I always turned him down. Nathan was there for me so I figured why not, let's try it out and see how this works.
He is 21 and I'm 18 and he's talking bout having kids with me and stuff which to me is crazy. For one, I'm not ready yet. And now I've noticed that two nights ago I was over there and he took a toothpick and wrote his name in my arm and he says I'm his.
Last night he took pliers and pinched my leg with them and then I said I was leaving so he threw my keys outside.
When I tell him I'm not coming back for some reason he takes my stuff so I have to come back there. I think he knows I'm not happy there but when I wanna leave he takes something of mine and when I try to talk to him about it he doesn't want to talk or he interupts me with other things.
Do u think I'm in an abusive realtionship now? I need some advice.
-- Lisa, Delaware
Dear Lisa,
Yes, I think it is a bad relationship and you should tell him you want no contact with him for thirty days while you think about what you really want. It sounds like he really does not care about your feelings, and it also sounds like he could be violent and destroy your things on down the road.
There are a lot of warning signs of guys who turn into bad guys. Being controlling, being possessive, being bossy, like in telling you who to see and what to wear. Separating you from your family and friends, being highly critical, using your money, and being violent at all, especially then trying to dismiss it, are all big warning signs.
Not paying attention to your feelings is also one. The biggest one I hear from you, though, is that you do not feel good in this relationship. Successful relationships make you feel good, not bad, and in the bad relationships your intuition, you know deep down in your heart, in your gut, that it is not a good one, and it sounds like you are doing that, too.
Pay attention to your gut instinct and your intuition. It is the best tool you have for figuring out which guys are bad for you, and it is seldom wrong.
Your biggest job in life right now is to date a lot of different kinds of guys. This will make you a more well rounded, mature person later. Just like reading lots of books, traveling a lot, and taking different kinds of classes helps you grow up, so does dating different kinds of people. That makes sense, doesn't it?
It is also like trying on clothes. You don't buy a shirt just because you took it on in the dressing room and just because it is on sale. You only buy, stick with and wear, the ones that are perfect for you. You also have to try on a lot of clothes to find the perfect shirt.
Guard yourself and your future by only investing in those things that bring you greater maturity and wisdom. Finish school and take a lot of different classes. Travel as much as possible, listen to all kinds of music and reads lots of different books. See all the movies, make friends with lots of people, and do a variety of exercise and sports and hobbies.
In the same way, date a lot of different boys, and definitely, definitely steer clear of those who give you bad vibes, bad feelings, and the ones that your gut tells you are wrong. Your future is so important, and the investments you make now will pay off big time later. Your most important job right now is to guard your future, your life and yourself. This is the only way you will be successful, and later have the choices that success brings, like being able to live financially without worry where you want, and having and raising a family the way you want, and taking vacations the way you want. All of the important things will come your way later if you make the right choices now, and this is a big one.
Breakups are easy to handle if you understand a few break up principles and strategies. I recommend the book It's Called a Break Up Because It's Broken, or Break Up Girl to the Rescue. You can find them in any bookstore, online or even in the local library. They might even have a website.
Let me know if I can be of any more help to you. I am here, and we appreciate you writing us at DontDateHimGirl.com here on MySpace. - Kerry Gray
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