Is Your Guy's Online Chatting Innocent or Sinister?
Dear DDHG,
My boyfriend of 4 years has always chatted with his female friends online. I've never had a reason to distrust him about anything he's doing online. I know most of his female friends and I'd say the majority of them are not his type.
However, I recently found him chatting with a woman named "Amy", who I do not know. He didn't log his computer off one night and I saw a series of borderline racy e-mails between them. He asked her what she liked in a man and she asked him what he wanted in a woman. Of course, he made no mention of me. We only live together! What should I do?
- My Guy is Chat Cheating
Dear Chat Cheating,
I would definitely be suspicious if I were you, but you can't do anything until you have all the facts. This "Amy" may be someone your guy is romantically attracted to or she may just be a friend you haven't met yet. On one hand you say the e-mails you saw were borderline racy, but I think they are an indication of outright flirting going on between your guy and Amy.
Flirting online, however, is not cheating. Here are 3 things you can do right now to get to the bottom of your problem.
1. If You Seek Amy - It's a great Britney Spears song, but in your case, if you want to know about who Amy is, ask your guy directly. Don't do it in a roundabout way, either. Be direct and don't go snooping through his computer or his closet to find the answer on your own. In time, you will find out everything you need to know.
2. Don't Be Ms. 007 - it's tempting to devise elaborate ways to get your guy out of the house so that you can conduct a surveillance operation, but acting like the female James Bond to catch your man doing something behind your back is a waste of time.
3. Go Right to the Source - if you have a way to contact your guy's cyber girl, do it. There's nothing wrong with introducing yourself to your guy's new friends. Don't become confrontational or adversarial. Just be nice and you'll be surprised how much you will learn. - Tasha Cunningham
My boyfriend of 4 years has always chatted with his female friends online. I've never had a reason to distrust him about anything he's doing online. I know most of his female friends and I'd say the majority of them are not his type.
However, I recently found him chatting with a woman named "Amy", who I do not know. He didn't log his computer off one night and I saw a series of borderline racy e-mails between them. He asked her what she liked in a man and she asked him what he wanted in a woman. Of course, he made no mention of me. We only live together! What should I do?
- My Guy is Chat Cheating
Dear Chat Cheating,
I would definitely be suspicious if I were you, but you can't do anything until you have all the facts. This "Amy" may be someone your guy is romantically attracted to or she may just be a friend you haven't met yet. On one hand you say the e-mails you saw were borderline racy, but I think they are an indication of outright flirting going on between your guy and Amy.
Flirting online, however, is not cheating. Here are 3 things you can do right now to get to the bottom of your problem.
1. If You Seek Amy - It's a great Britney Spears song, but in your case, if you want to know about who Amy is, ask your guy directly. Don't do it in a roundabout way, either. Be direct and don't go snooping through his computer or his closet to find the answer on your own. In time, you will find out everything you need to know.
2. Don't Be Ms. 007 - it's tempting to devise elaborate ways to get your guy out of the house so that you can conduct a surveillance operation, but acting like the female James Bond to catch your man doing something behind your back is a waste of time.
3. Go Right to the Source - if you have a way to contact your guy's cyber girl, do it. There's nothing wrong with introducing yourself to your guy's new friends. Don't become confrontational or adversarial. Just be nice and you'll be surprised how much you will learn. - Tasha Cunningham
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