The Truth About Why Men Cheat
Marriage counselor M. Gary Neuman decided to find out. He went straight to the source and interviewed men who cheat and those who don't. He asked them exactly why they do it. In his new book, The Truth About Cheating, he shares their answers. What he found out might surprise you.
48% of the cheating men said they have affairs because of emotional dissatisfaction. Only 8% said they did it because of sexual dissatisfaction. Men are emotional creatures, too. They feel a great need to be accepted, desired, and appreciated. Men want women to think they are big and strong and can handle everything. They want women to look up to them, and to know how hard they try to get it right. Men do not typically ask openly for this type of emotional support. You can actively work to prevent emotional dissatisfaction in your man. Make sure you give him the support he needs by letting him know how important and wonderful you really think he is, all the time.
66% of the men said they felt guilty while cheating. The bad news is that feeling guilty did not seem to stop them. Men can put their emotions aside and deal with them later, something women are not as good at. Do they feel guilty when they cheat? Yes. Does that stop them? No.
77% of the cheaters have male friends who also cheat. Knowing the other guys are cheating makes it easier to feel like it is common and accepted. You cannot stop him from seeing his friends, but if you know one of his friends is cheating, set some limits. Make sure their buddy time is in a healthy environment, like at a sports event, lunch, or the gym. Ask him not to go to bars or clubs with the friend who is cheating, because you do not want him to be tempted. Tell him he is so handsome all the girls will be after him, and he will agree! Socialize with other happily married couples where positive values and fidelity will be the norm.
40% of the men having affairs met the woman at work. His female co-workers might praise him, compliment him, and look up to him, exactly the things he needs at home. Men are vulnerable at work when there is dissatisfaction at home. A wife might see warning signs before an affair happens and have some time to take action. Staying at work late, picking fights, not taking your phone calls, being distracted, are all signs that an affair might be a temptation.
He will deny any attraction or desire for an affair before anything has happened, so do not confront him with suspicions that might only start a fight. Do what you can to make sure you stay at the forefront of his mind. Plan activities together and alone time, initiate sex more often, give him the emotional hugs he needs, and keep things light and fun at home.
If you feel him slipping away, instead of accusing him, say something like, "I sense we are losing something in our marriage, and I don't want it be lost forever. Let's work together to get it back."
Only 12% of the men said their mistress was better looking then their wife. A great body is not the reason men cheat, so instead of trying to do all the things women do to turn back the clock and look younger, concentrate on setting an emotional tone that supports him. Plan fun activities together and create intimate closeness through your shared life.
A huge 73% of the men knew the woman for a month or longer before the affair started. Only 6% said they slept with someone they met that day. The good news is that here is a time frame when you might see trouble coming and have time for action. If you see the warning signs, pay attention and work on the things you can work on to improve things at home for your man and affair proof your marriage for yourself.
Kerry Gray, the Love Doctor
KerryLGray@gmail.com
48% of the cheating men said they have affairs because of emotional dissatisfaction. Only 8% said they did it because of sexual dissatisfaction. Men are emotional creatures, too. They feel a great need to be accepted, desired, and appreciated. Men want women to think they are big and strong and can handle everything. They want women to look up to them, and to know how hard they try to get it right. Men do not typically ask openly for this type of emotional support. You can actively work to prevent emotional dissatisfaction in your man. Make sure you give him the support he needs by letting him know how important and wonderful you really think he is, all the time.
66% of the men said they felt guilty while cheating. The bad news is that feeling guilty did not seem to stop them. Men can put their emotions aside and deal with them later, something women are not as good at. Do they feel guilty when they cheat? Yes. Does that stop them? No.
77% of the cheaters have male friends who also cheat. Knowing the other guys are cheating makes it easier to feel like it is common and accepted. You cannot stop him from seeing his friends, but if you know one of his friends is cheating, set some limits. Make sure their buddy time is in a healthy environment, like at a sports event, lunch, or the gym. Ask him not to go to bars or clubs with the friend who is cheating, because you do not want him to be tempted. Tell him he is so handsome all the girls will be after him, and he will agree! Socialize with other happily married couples where positive values and fidelity will be the norm.
40% of the men having affairs met the woman at work. His female co-workers might praise him, compliment him, and look up to him, exactly the things he needs at home. Men are vulnerable at work when there is dissatisfaction at home. A wife might see warning signs before an affair happens and have some time to take action. Staying at work late, picking fights, not taking your phone calls, being distracted, are all signs that an affair might be a temptation.
He will deny any attraction or desire for an affair before anything has happened, so do not confront him with suspicions that might only start a fight. Do what you can to make sure you stay at the forefront of his mind. Plan activities together and alone time, initiate sex more often, give him the emotional hugs he needs, and keep things light and fun at home.
If you feel him slipping away, instead of accusing him, say something like, "I sense we are losing something in our marriage, and I don't want it be lost forever. Let's work together to get it back."
Only 12% of the men said their mistress was better looking then their wife. A great body is not the reason men cheat, so instead of trying to do all the things women do to turn back the clock and look younger, concentrate on setting an emotional tone that supports him. Plan fun activities together and create intimate closeness through your shared life.
A huge 73% of the men knew the woman for a month or longer before the affair started. Only 6% said they slept with someone they met that day. The good news is that here is a time frame when you might see trouble coming and have time for action. If you see the warning signs, pay attention and work on the things you can work on to improve things at home for your man and affair proof your marriage for yourself.
Kerry Gray, the Love Doctor
KerryLGray@gmail.com
17 March, 2010 - 18:58
Pardon Our Dust Today! DDHG is Gearing Up For Big Changes!
15 March, 2010 - 21:18
DDHG Presents: So the Bastard Broke Your Heart, Now What?
15 March, 2010 - 21:09
What To Do If Your Man Messes Around on Spring Break
10 March, 2010 - 14:13
Don't Date Like You're Dumb, Because You're NOT!
08 March, 2010 - 18:15
Should You Listen to Your Heart or Your Head When Dating Guys?