Will Giving Your Guy an Ultimatum Work?
Sometimes it works and sometimes it does not. Delivering an ultimatum in the form of "or else" can backfire. Be very careful if you choose to give your guy a deadline on any issue. Your man might call your bluff or split and be gone for good. Men want to be the boss of the relationship.
When you deliver a final ultimatum it feels like you are wearing the pants and he is not. Tiptoe around his ego and think carefully about what you will say and how you will say it. Do not give him an ultimatum unless you are at the end of your rope and willing to call it quits over the issue.
There are three times when it might pay off to give him a little push in the right direction. Instead of handing him an ultimatum, use the phrases "I feel like" and "I want" instead of "you never" when bringing up the subject.
First, does he have a legitimate excuse for putting off the proposal? A man who is still in school or starting a business or new career will put off marriage until he is secure in his position. If this is the case with your man, tell him you hope a decision can be made when he reaches his goal.
This takes the pressure off while letting him know you do expect a plan at a later date. He can act accordingly if he does not want to risk losing you in the end.
Does he need to change his priorities? If he is focused on your differences and not the things you have in common, remind him of the good things you do share and let him know that most couples do not match up in every way.
Having different interests and outside friends and hobbies makes you two richer as a couple. If he is disappointed in one aspect of your relationship, for example, he loves to go camping and you only camp in five star hotels, ask him to rethink his priorities. Is going camping without you worth keeping your relationship? He will probably say Yes and rethink his priorities.
Is he usually indecisive about other choices? If he has trouble making decisions and committing to everything, then he is not afraid of committing to you, he is just afraid to commit, period. Sweetly tell him that you really love him and want to spend your life with him, but you do not see your relationship moving forward.
If he does not want to commit to moving it toward marriage in the near future, you will have to move on because you want a home and a family. Then drop it and let him think about it. Let him bring it up the next time and it will be his idea.
Remember that if you deliver an ultimatum, you need to be prepared to see it through by sticking to it. No one has time to waste. If a marriage proposal, a ring, a wedding and kids are what you want in the end, let your man know. An ultimatum can work if it gives him the choice to stay or go. You do not have to wear the pants to be the boss of your relationship and your life.
Kerry Gray, the Love Doctor
When you deliver a final ultimatum it feels like you are wearing the pants and he is not. Tiptoe around his ego and think carefully about what you will say and how you will say it. Do not give him an ultimatum unless you are at the end of your rope and willing to call it quits over the issue.
There are three times when it might pay off to give him a little push in the right direction. Instead of handing him an ultimatum, use the phrases "I feel like" and "I want" instead of "you never" when bringing up the subject.
First, does he have a legitimate excuse for putting off the proposal? A man who is still in school or starting a business or new career will put off marriage until he is secure in his position. If this is the case with your man, tell him you hope a decision can be made when he reaches his goal.
This takes the pressure off while letting him know you do expect a plan at a later date. He can act accordingly if he does not want to risk losing you in the end.
Does he need to change his priorities? If he is focused on your differences and not the things you have in common, remind him of the good things you do share and let him know that most couples do not match up in every way.
Having different interests and outside friends and hobbies makes you two richer as a couple. If he is disappointed in one aspect of your relationship, for example, he loves to go camping and you only camp in five star hotels, ask him to rethink his priorities. Is going camping without you worth keeping your relationship? He will probably say Yes and rethink his priorities.
Is he usually indecisive about other choices? If he has trouble making decisions and committing to everything, then he is not afraid of committing to you, he is just afraid to commit, period. Sweetly tell him that you really love him and want to spend your life with him, but you do not see your relationship moving forward.
If he does not want to commit to moving it toward marriage in the near future, you will have to move on because you want a home and a family. Then drop it and let him think about it. Let him bring it up the next time and it will be his idea.
Remember that if you deliver an ultimatum, you need to be prepared to see it through by sticking to it. No one has time to waste. If a marriage proposal, a ring, a wedding and kids are what you want in the end, let your man know. An ultimatum can work if it gives him the choice to stay or go. You do not have to wear the pants to be the boss of your relationship and your life.
Kerry Gray, the Love Doctor
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