Will Your Future Husband Be a Cheater?
Many men who cheat follow a predictable pattern in the early years of their marriages. These patterns lead to an affair that a wife could see coming if she knew where to look. Cheating is not random.
It does not just happen to you and it does not just happen out of the blue. Use these indicators to tell if your husband's patterns are setting your marriage up for an affair.
The early marriage of cheaters is characterized by three things. One is a husband who says he would never cheat. When discussing affairs, the husband who insists he would never do that is the one being set up to cheat later. You might be glad that he says that, but all men know that it is possible for anything to happen.
Admitting that possibility prevents it. Let your man talk honestly about cheating and his temptations. Let him tell you when he finds other women attractive and do not shut him down. Listen and be supportive. Be aware if your man says he would never do that because it is a smokescreen that makes you look the other way.
It is the first sign of a man who might cheat later. Then, stay on the alert for the other two signs. One is a husband who tells you that you are crazy or makes you think there is something wrong with you.
He might tell you that you need help and you need to see a psychiatrist. The other is a husband who tells you all the time that things would be better if you would just listen to him and do things his way. Things would just work if you would do it how he tells you to. He makes you feel dumb and unable to manage. These three things happen early in the marriages of many men who later cheat.
In the middle stages of a marriage, several signs point to a man who is on his way to having an affair. As his wife, you can look for these things and take steps to fix them early. A man who thinks that all his friends and everyone else is having fun while he has no time for his fun is a man who slowly becomes unhappy. Do you take up all his spare time with housework and chores? Don't. Add no fun to ignored, taken for granted and lonely.
The man who works all day and comes home looking forward to his family and then is ignored is that man. Do you have dinner ready for him and appreciate him walking through the door? Do you stop what you are doing and greet him, or do you wave him away? Do you ignore his dinner and make him feel alone in a house he provides? This is the man who starts to feel like his wife does not understand him. If he tried to tell her, she would get mad, so he does not talk.
Men do want companionship and a wife and a soul mate. Men do need wives who step up and carry the weight of their emotional support. If he starts to feel ignored, unappreciated and misunderstood he will become distant. He might go off to his study or another part of the house when he gets home.
He checks out of family meals by working on the computer or watching TV. He might even pretend to take a nap in the chair. Your instinct as a wife might be to leave him alone and let him work it out but that is a fatal mistake. Draw him back in. Do not let him distance himself from you over time.
When men have these things in place, it is then that they start noticing other women who pay attention to them in the outside world. A smile, a flirtatious compliment or just five minutes of attention from a woman who smiles at him will suddenly make him light up and feel great. This is something he will remember and he will look for again and again.
It could be a stranger or a friend, at work or in the gym. If your husband is feeling the love from simple gestures on the outside world then he is being set up for a later affair. Be sure you are the one to give him that love and attention.
If you do not, then when he finds a woman who does give it to him, watch out. He will slowly start spending more and more time in her company. He will find excuses and reasons to see her. He will start thinking about her all the time. He will think less and less of his wife or her needs. Eventually, he will not care about his wife or family at all. He will next start figuring out ways to hide it. His creativity in this department will be amazing.
This will eventually progress to the actual physical affair. He will not tell his wife when it happens. He will not share with his wife, the woman who does not understand him, how he has actually just found his real soul mate. He will not tell his wife his plans for divorce until he is long gone emotionally and physically. He will start using distraction tactics and being careful about money.
He might buy his wife big gifts while claiming to be working late for a big work project. He will tell his wife to hang in there while he works late because she will benefit and be rewarded later if she is just patient now. Meanwhile, his wife is sitting around eating bonbons and watching TV while she is losing her husband to a very real woman.
When he drops the bomb that the marriage is done then her goose is cooked. He is gone.
Do not let this happen in your marriage. Affairs are predictable events that unroll and unfold over time. While an affair or a one night stand could happen without warning, most affairs follow predictable patterns over years of a marriage.
Study the signs. Keep a marriage journal so you can look back year after year. Keep your eyes open for these patterns. You can affair proof your marriage by fixing these problems as they happen.
Kerry Gray, the Love Doctor
It does not just happen to you and it does not just happen out of the blue. Use these indicators to tell if your husband's patterns are setting your marriage up for an affair.
The early marriage of cheaters is characterized by three things. One is a husband who says he would never cheat. When discussing affairs, the husband who insists he would never do that is the one being set up to cheat later. You might be glad that he says that, but all men know that it is possible for anything to happen.
Admitting that possibility prevents it. Let your man talk honestly about cheating and his temptations. Let him tell you when he finds other women attractive and do not shut him down. Listen and be supportive. Be aware if your man says he would never do that because it is a smokescreen that makes you look the other way.
It is the first sign of a man who might cheat later. Then, stay on the alert for the other two signs. One is a husband who tells you that you are crazy or makes you think there is something wrong with you.
He might tell you that you need help and you need to see a psychiatrist. The other is a husband who tells you all the time that things would be better if you would just listen to him and do things his way. Things would just work if you would do it how he tells you to. He makes you feel dumb and unable to manage. These three things happen early in the marriages of many men who later cheat.
In the middle stages of a marriage, several signs point to a man who is on his way to having an affair. As his wife, you can look for these things and take steps to fix them early. A man who thinks that all his friends and everyone else is having fun while he has no time for his fun is a man who slowly becomes unhappy. Do you take up all his spare time with housework and chores? Don't. Add no fun to ignored, taken for granted and lonely.
The man who works all day and comes home looking forward to his family and then is ignored is that man. Do you have dinner ready for him and appreciate him walking through the door? Do you stop what you are doing and greet him, or do you wave him away? Do you ignore his dinner and make him feel alone in a house he provides? This is the man who starts to feel like his wife does not understand him. If he tried to tell her, she would get mad, so he does not talk.
Men do want companionship and a wife and a soul mate. Men do need wives who step up and carry the weight of their emotional support. If he starts to feel ignored, unappreciated and misunderstood he will become distant. He might go off to his study or another part of the house when he gets home.
He checks out of family meals by working on the computer or watching TV. He might even pretend to take a nap in the chair. Your instinct as a wife might be to leave him alone and let him work it out but that is a fatal mistake. Draw him back in. Do not let him distance himself from you over time.
When men have these things in place, it is then that they start noticing other women who pay attention to them in the outside world. A smile, a flirtatious compliment or just five minutes of attention from a woman who smiles at him will suddenly make him light up and feel great. This is something he will remember and he will look for again and again.
It could be a stranger or a friend, at work or in the gym. If your husband is feeling the love from simple gestures on the outside world then he is being set up for a later affair. Be sure you are the one to give him that love and attention.
If you do not, then when he finds a woman who does give it to him, watch out. He will slowly start spending more and more time in her company. He will find excuses and reasons to see her. He will start thinking about her all the time. He will think less and less of his wife or her needs. Eventually, he will not care about his wife or family at all. He will next start figuring out ways to hide it. His creativity in this department will be amazing.
This will eventually progress to the actual physical affair. He will not tell his wife when it happens. He will not share with his wife, the woman who does not understand him, how he has actually just found his real soul mate. He will not tell his wife his plans for divorce until he is long gone emotionally and physically. He will start using distraction tactics and being careful about money.
He might buy his wife big gifts while claiming to be working late for a big work project. He will tell his wife to hang in there while he works late because she will benefit and be rewarded later if she is just patient now. Meanwhile, his wife is sitting around eating bonbons and watching TV while she is losing her husband to a very real woman.
When he drops the bomb that the marriage is done then her goose is cooked. He is gone.
Do not let this happen in your marriage. Affairs are predictable events that unroll and unfold over time. While an affair or a one night stand could happen without warning, most affairs follow predictable patterns over years of a marriage.
Study the signs. Keep a marriage journal so you can look back year after year. Keep your eyes open for these patterns. You can affair proof your marriage by fixing these problems as they happen.
Kerry Gray, the Love Doctor
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