PART FORTY AND A HALF. Jay will turn into someone else after he knows he has you. He blamed others for how screwed-up his life became, and blamed all his bad luck on all his former girlfriends, except for Evelyn V., a woman he lived with for one year, in NY and VA, in the 70's, before he got married the first time. He even kept this photo of her...by a professional photographer I think his last name was Vincent, though I'm not sure about that, which, were it of me, I would've wanted it back. It seemed he wanted a '˜gallery' of women me caught naked, baby picture of his first wife, one of Evelyn, and that etching he did of a woman, like notches on his belt. Jay proved himself to be a serial cheater who used and dumped women for his own gratification, fed me the sad story of his bad childhood, and couldn't admit to me he was using me for years. He Knew then and still knows how to pretend to be anyone you want him to be, and did with me. He was into junk food from the 7-Eleven, too, like those tiny '˜Gem' donuts and fake éclairs--unhealthy eating habits, and seeks women with money and demanding jobs, so they can spend, spend, spend on him, giving him gifts, clothes, etc., and typically will have at least two women at a time and yet somehow manages to make each believe that she is the only one. His ideas aren't original, either. The only reason he listens to those '˜cool' radio stations, WPFW, like '˜G Strings' and Prairie Home Companion, is because he heard about them through me and through my brother. He accused me to my own father of '˜harassing' because I'd sent out copies of his nasty ads for casual sex to his friends in the mail, to expose him, warning them about him, and he did this, I think, to take the heat off him - I think to deflect the guilt. The only person who confirmed the awful experience with Jay was my father, who said that I was right, that Jay was only out for himself. Jay's m.o. was to set himself up with another woman before leaving the one who preceded her. Think of the flick, The Thornbirds, and the point where the wife, after being neglected by her hubby for so long, finally gets the nerve to go to the sugar cane fields to tell his buddy that he '˜can't make love for taffy' Well...she wasn't WEAK in telling them that. Far from it. She came off as STRONG. To me, posting up here, telling it like it is, is no different than speaking when, before the bride and groom say '˜I do', the minister asks if anyone witnessing has any objections, tells them '˜If you do...SPEAK NOW OR FOREVER HOLD YOUR PEACE.' I would be one of those persons standing up to speak.

PART THIRTY NINE. Jay Brown's mother, GAYLE BROWN, if she is still alive, may interfere, in a '˜passive-aggressive' way, into your relationship with Jay. Although I loved her dearly and thought she loved me, in about my sixth or seventh year with Jay, she gave me a little book published...I can't for the life of me remember its title, as I gave it away. Its main theme was about how first passion soon disappears, about how the state of '˜being in love' fades for most people, etc., which is probably true, or at least, that is the THEORY.

PART THIRTY EIGHT. Jay Brown's behavior worsened after he acquired a cell phone, while living with me. He may say that I was '˜jealous', but I only used that cell phone to call him ONCE...ONCE the ENTIRE TIME HE HAD ONE FOR MONTHS, and that was the night when he was with his ex-wife, pretending to deliver her stained glass window job, was still down there in Warrenton, VA, when it was close to midnight and he had not phoned home as to why he was late. One time, he took me to some fairgrounds in Manassas, where the carnival was set up, with rides. He'd bought me a cheap but nice, black, faux felt hat with a white band on it. He didn't like riding on the Ferris wheel with me, poised at the top...was jittery. I had to wonder...did someone '˜abuse' him on a Ferris wheel, when he was a kid, or maybe he just feared heights..possibly, a relative might have sexually abused him while they were alone on a Ferris Wheel together. In my opinion, he will certainly blame you for his abuse. His tolerance to frustration is VERY LOW. He'll charm you can drop the '˜c' off that word his way into your life then disappear without a trace or reason as to why he left you, to justify his actions, leaving you without closure, your sense of dignity gone. Also, he gave me little-to-no credit for kindly assisting him with his three home businesses, silversmithing-jewelry, carpentry, music, when I just about became a '˜secretary' at home, to get his phones calls and customers to him, on top of and between my own contracting assignments, so was an ingrate, on top of everything else. I asked him, several times while he lived with me in the last year with him, because he began bringing home smutty movies that he wanted me to watch with him...but I told him repeatedly that I did not like to watch perverted '˜orgy' sex with no plot, which had gay guys j*ck*ng off together--at least that's what the covers of those things showed--I asked... '˜what is this theme of guy on guy, with Jay - asked him '˜Are you bi or what', ...to which he'd always answer, '˜I don't think so.' He'd always DENY, DENY, DENY, and he was scaring me mightily, after all those years I'd invested in our relationship. Just to show that he had troubles not me, as he would project...flip the blame, once he was gone for good, I slaked at least 30 lbs. off my body, that probably I gained due to stress from just being around him. He probably won't take you to his residence and will only meet you in '˜discrete' places because his live-in girlfriend or boyfriend of years still lives with him, and will probably tell you that he or she is no more than a '˜roommate' who merely sleeps in the same bed as him, and he'll promise that he'll move out when he finally gets enough money to do so, to become '˜independent' of her or him...considering his proclivities. Whichever way you look at it, you'll become his '˜Backstreet Girl', I'll bet, and that is...if he even wants a female. His M.O. is to find fault with his woman once he's ready to bed the next.. He failed to offer information which later became lies of omission. He won't be the guy who'll be there for you '˜rich or poor, sickness and health', as he cannot even care for his own. His M.O.. is to sweep things under the carpet...not empty the '˜kitty litter box', so things will stink when he's done with you. He also villainized his second wife, Lori, though said he was returning to work for her shop in Warrenton, after leaving me, so created for himself a '˜victim' persona in that marriage, too.

PART THIRTY SEVEN. I never had any '˜emotional' condition before I met Jay. When one trauma is piled atop another, the '˜last straw' can break you, so don't let him be the next-to-last straw. Be careful, or you'll need to hire a shrink or social worker, after living with Jay, if you let him get to you. That jeweler I worked for was a professed '˜Christian'. Jay was raised as a Methodist. There seem to be many so-called '˜Christians' teaming up to hurt women, and host or cult of male musicians who think they are better than their female equals, even better than their female equals or better halves in music, never mind that one of them might have been his soul mate. Not even a former diplomat's daughter me was good enough for skanky Jay Brown. Even the Arabs who had harems couldn't have more than one wife if they couldn't take care of each of them financially. To do less, a man is either a gigolo or a womanizer, or both. Jay is an emotional bully, and does it very subtly, takes no responsibility for siphoning a woman's trust. Don't let him rent your mind. I am not ugly, either, or else I would not still perform on stage. I'm just defending women of all ages. I suspect that those who don't bother learning the steps....who go from woman to woman or woman to man, have been sexually abused when children, and are trying to '˜purge' their abuse, by knowingly or unknowingly, re-living it onto their adult partners or other children, later in life. Many psychologists think so, anyway. So, apparently Jay was someone who Melinda Yalom could admire. I wonder if it was because her first husband--the one before Ed Rejuney--had cheated on her with another woman--as she told me he had--that she had to make up for that loss by stealing away the attentions of Jay from me. It was apparently OK by her, for one person to interfere in another's common-law marriage or live-in relationship. I never went after Ed that way, so could never understand Melinda's betrayal.

PART THIRTY FIVE. To Melinda Yalom, my former '˜friend' who didn't believe what I told her about Jays ways...you weren't the only one to whom Jay's eyes roved - The party that Melinda did not attend of mine. I caught him on film, Ms. Fox's former bartender at the Kenmore Inn, bed and breakfast in Fredericksburg, VA draped around him, just like I caught his arm draped around Melinda, at my first party. To the woman who posted '˜The decent guys or girls will wait'...I say to her HOOEY. Women in their 40's still looking for a life mate have not all the time in the world to wait. I spent the first year with him being '˜decent' sleeping on his mother's couch, while dating him. He still turned out to be a compulsive liar, and again...if a man is inclined to cheat on a woman, he'll do it, married or not. Stop perpetuating the black or white, ***-Madonna-double-standard. People who do that would resent a widow who'd only had one lover her entire life, for her sexual experience. People who do that would believe that the millions of women who are common law married are not married at all. May her curse be that she '˜waits' before marriage, only to have a husband who '˜can't'.